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Latest News and Blog Posts from Wayne “Pendragon” Owens.
Off the Rails
When learning a new programming language, The Internet convention is to make a “Hello World” program. For those of you none-coders out there, that is as simple as it sounds. A simple program to output the words “Hello World” onto your screen, or a page on a web browser. The idea is to use something very simple, so you can speedily see the output of your code before you start on anything more complex. In theory there is nothing simpler in code than the Hello world program.
For example:
- PHP: <?php echo “Hello, world!”; ?>
- ASP: <% Response.Write(“Hello, world!”) %>
- ASP.NET: <asp:Label ID=“Label1” runat=“server” Text=“Hello World”></asp:Label>
- BASH: echo ‘Hello, world!’
You noticing a trend here? Very simple, and not much code involved. Hell if we look at assembly language itself, which is considered a complex and long language.
bdos equ 0005H
start: mvi c,9
lxi d,msg$
call bdos
ret
msg$: db 'Hello, world!$'
end start
Now. this week I have had to look at the insanity that is called “Ruby on Rails“. One of our customers is demanding we host/support it as he now has a new “Developer” (And I use that title in the loosest way) And the new guy only does Ruby On Rails (Or RoR from now on). Now we have the facility to host it pre-setup on our servers. So all we had to do was throw up a quick test page to double check it was all running OK. What was needed was a RoR “Hello World” test.
So following the examples in a book I set about writing a simple application to display “Hello World” onto the web-page. It took several hours of work, required over 200 different files, and a virtual-Host setup different to normal hosting before the words “Hello World” were there on the screen.
How shit a language (If i can call it a language) is RoR? Instead of the normal ONE line of code it took 207 individual files to do the same thing. Has there ever been a shittier application language invented? If there is then I have never heard of it.
And to top it all off. the Developer in question seems clueless about the language. For example he did not have a public folder (required by Apache). he removed the default index page (which is correct) only he never re mapped root in the config/routes file. And has been bombarding our support ticketing system with very basic questions.
On a side note. While learning RoR, I got bored so played on the Interwebz. I found this developers, Twitter, Blog, Facebook, Company website. Yes it turns out he is a freelance web applications developer. And yet his website is the worst I have seen in a long time.
Takes all sorts I suppose.
WARNING! May Contain Nuts.
So I was watching a Documentary style film the other night. It was called “New World Order” and was about a bunch of different well known Conspiracy Nuts, as they campaigned against the “Bilderberg Group” and the “New World Order“. It was an entertainingly funny, and well worth a watch.
There was just one small thing that bothered me about it. A lot of the people featured had a lot of the same major problems with the evil “New world Order”
- They ignored the majority’s wished and were forcing their own views and values onto everyone.
- Anyone disagreeing with the Views of the NWO were rounded up without trial, tortured for confessions.
- They were engineering Wars for no reason other than forcing their views on Others.
Now, All the people saying these things, also stated they wanted to be left alone and to live as they wanted in their devout Christian ways.
Now that’s the bit that Annoyed me. Christianity? In the early days I’m pretty sure the history books say :-
- They ignored the majority’s wished and were forcing their own views and values onto everyone.
- Anyone disagreeing with the Views of the NWO were rounded up without trial, tortured for confessions. And was then burnt as a witch. Witchcraft Trials/ Inquisition
- They were engineering Wars for no reason other than forcing their views on Others. Anyone remember the crusades?
- They entered foreign countries, murdered all the native religions and forced their own brand of beliefs on the masses against their will.
Yes. Nice Conspiracy Nuts, Your beloved Christianity was the worlds first NWO.
Hallucinations of Mass Self-Sucide
OK, Before I get onto writing this post I feel I should point out that I am not 100% convinced suicide is the correct term for the title. Now I am not a student of Latin, in fact the closest I have ever come to studying the language is lying with my head in the lap of a girl who was practicing for her Latin Oral. But that’s another story for another time.
Now, I know the ****cide words for different kids of killings are made up from two parts. the ending cide from the Latin Caedere, Cecidi meaning Killing. And the first part depicts the kind of thing being killed. for eg:-
- regicide: killing of a king/Queen
- homicide: killing of a human
- parricide: killing of a parent
- fratricide: killing of a brother
- sororicide: killing of a sister
- uxoricide: killing of a wife
- mariticide: killing of a husband
- herbicide: Killing Plants
- suicide: Killing of yourself
Now the best i can work out the word i really needed to use would be genesuicide which i may just have made up now, and only people who know the meaning of the three parts of the word would have been able to work out what on earth I was trying to say. So for now I will settle for suicide, Unless anyone can correct me.
Now to the Post… *Random Dramatic Music*
I have been ill the last few days, some form of flu (not of the aporckalypse kind) yet still a very nasty one. Lets just say I crawled into bed around 9pm Sunday, and apart from trips to hug the toilet I did not crawl back out until some point Tuesday evening. Now during this extended stay in bed, I did start hallucinating slightly. This is the only the second time I remember being so ill that I hallucinated, the previous time it was with some very strong 48 hour debilitating flu as well. So maybe the same strain?
The previous hallucinations of several years ago involved some microscopic aliens with a odd fetish for saucepans. Apparently “so they informed me” the common saucepan is the greatest invention of all time, you can cook with it, eat from it, drink from it, carry stuff (both liquid and solid) in it, Use it to paddle, bail out, dig, as a rudimentary trap for small animals, and even as a weapon. I was tempted at the time to argue for the validity of other inventions possibly in the medical or gaming areas as a better invention to worship, but when you are convinced your bed is full of microscopic aliens armed with saucepans you tend just to agree with them and pray you get better soon. Anyway that’s a different story.
This time the hallucinations were mainly auditory, it sounded like thousands of me’s were all talking in my head. and each was different in a slight way. As if every me from the multiverse had all been pulled into the same place at the same time, so each of their thoughts could be heard by all the others. Do you realise how impossible it is to sleep with hundreds of voices arguing, crying, moaning loudly in your head at the same time? It did not make it better that one of the voices could not cope, so kept singing one verse from the song Puss in boots over and over again to drown out the sound of the others.
Pussycat, pussycat where have you been?
I’ve been to London, now I’m queen
Sitting pretty, I don’t wear suits
And the mice all call me –
Puss’n bootsPuss’n Boots By Adam & The Ants
Over and over and over solidly for over ten hours. I tell you, I was getting close to giving up until I noticed the volume of voices were getting less and less over time, like there was less me’s about. Now I’d like to think this was my body’s reaction to getting better, that it was natural progressions. The only thing stopping me believe that is the fact that as the number of other me’s dropped the voice of my subconscious got happier and happier.
I believe I mentioned how all the multiverses version of me had slightly different qualities? well out of the hundreds that were in my hallucination, only my subconscious was a sociopath.
Luckily it was all just a Hallucination. Wasn’t it?
The Quest for the Mythological Creature.
From the dawn of time Man has quested to hunt out Mythological Creatures. How much money and man-hours have been spent investigating loch ness for the monster? How many People have walked the American woods looking for big foot? Its our natural instinct to try and find the truth in such myths. So, to do my bit for the advancement of human knowledge, I decided to spend some time this weekend attempting to find out some more information on a “mythological Creature.”
“Which Creature are you hunting?” I hear you ask, “Vampires? Werewolves? Big Foot? Teggie?“
Nope. The Mythological Creature I am trying to prove if they exist or not is….. *insert drum roll*…. “Intelligent Women” Yes, those things we have all heard about, and know a friend of a friend who may have met one once. Women who are intelligent and witty.
So. How did I do my research? Well I signed up for an online dating website. I will not name which one of the major UK ones I used since they may be a bit upset that i used their site for something other than they had designed it for. I will say its one of those that ask you loads of questions about yourself, and what you like in a partner, so it can match people by personality and likes. To be fair I set “no preference” to all subjects like distance, if they have kids, religion, race, everything. The only things i stated were important were, Intelligence, Sense of Humor, Personality.
So, I filled in all the details. submitted it, and waited while their servers calculated the details, and searched a database of UK people trying to match anyone based on my requests. After a while the results came in.
NO MATCHES FOUND
So there you have it, One of the largest online dating sites in the UK (If not the world) with a reputed 60% female membership has 0 women who met the standards set. So far its not looking good for finding evidence of these creatures.
I will keep you informed of any more evidence found one way or another on this subject.
How did no one die?
I thought I would tell you about an incident that took place the other week on my commute into the Asylum. Its an interesting look into the stupidity of the human mind, and how people will risk lives to get an extra few minutes before leaving for work. Its madness if you ask me, leave on time, leave five minutes early, Hell be five minutes late, its not worth dying for. If you want to risk your life and die, join the forces overseas. don’t risk innocent lives in collateral damage.
Let me explain.
I was driving along enjoying the countryside, I was the front car on my side the road, so clear road all the way. That is to say clear apart from the lane of oncoming traffic. Well It was early morning commute hour. So I’m driving along when one of the oncoming cars decides he wants to go faster so starts overtaking the rest of the traffic in his lane. The side affect of that is he’s now in my lane accelerating towards me, and there’s no way he can make the front of the cars and pull back in before he will reach me “This could be messy“. So being the sensible person I occasionally pretend to be, I decide to slow down in the hope he can make it.
“This may work… WTF!!!!!” Since I am now slowing down to try and avoid a head on collision, the car behind me has decided he’s in a rush so is now overtaking me to get in front. Yes dear reader we have two idiots trying to overtake into the path of oncoming vehicles AT THE SAME TIME! If I was not actually there at the time, I would expect this to be the plot of some comedy. We now have four cars heading towards each other at high speeds. Yes that’s two cars in each lane heading at each other. Its such a hard concept to consider since all you with normal minds will be going “what? he cant mean they were all heading at each other” I’ve made a small image to show exactly what I mean.
How this did not end up in a multiple car pile up, I am still trying to work out. As soon as it got into the situation shown, I drove my car off the road and up a grassy bank to make sure I was out the way. The car heading towards me managed since I was no longer on the road to drive through where I should have been, and using the gap created by the second idiot being in the wrong lane to pull back into his correct lane before he reached the next car along on my side of the road. The two cars on the other side of the road, thanks to some good emergency stopping & breaks managed to come to a rest with their bumpers touching, and the other cars had slowed down like me, seeing the possibility of a crash.
Why people, Why? Is it really so bad that you may be 1 minute late?
Please think and drive!
There’s No such thing as a FREE Dinner!
I was at my parents place last night for a family meal. As I went to retrieve my laptop bag and coat to leave I spotted my father moving the furniture in their 1st room apart to make a large free area of floor. (No idea what you would call the room, it looks like a sitting room with a comfortable sofa, coffee table, etc. They just never use it for anything) ..
Now nothing my parents do really surprises me so I ignored it and collected my stuff, as i went to leave my Dad said “I’m just checking this thing i think i have a fault somewhere” So I look at him to see if he’s talking to me or himself. I get another couple of steps closer the door “I’m programing this nurse call system i designed…” OK i think, He must be proud of it and want to show me what he’s done. So I wander over to where he’s laying out blueprints, wiring diagrams, and such across the floor as his laptop boots up.
So he starts pointing out the several dozen call points, lift monitoring, alarm light/buzzers, display panels, control panels, etc. And explains how when a point is activated it displays its details on a defined display, lights up certain lights so nurses can easily see where the problem is. As he’s pointing to the blueprints and explaining I make the obligatory “ohhh” “ahhh” “cool” appreciative noises, after all I had just had a nice meal. So when he’s finished and been quiet for a bit I go to stand up, “I just need to redo part of it, the lights are not working right and…” I sit back down.
He now goes on to inform me the programing uses groups, areas, zones. *laptop is in the way of some paper and gets slid a bit closer to me* He shows me the software that you use to program and set up the whole system, and explains how once its all setup on the laptop you just upload it to the main control and it configures the entire system. He leans over to point at something on the blueprints *laptop moves closer to me as it was in the way of something* “See, This section I’m calling the yellow zone only I need these lights on when any points are activated, and this light here” *pointing at part of diagram as laptop is moved closer to me out of the way* “and its not working correctly“. He then reads out part of the instruction booklet he has about zones.
“Ah, I see the displays are groups, cal-points areas, and lights zones. Its not like the old skool alarm zones, I see where that must be confusing” I say. “and zones can be activated by areas or individual points, Nice” He looks at me blankly for a second, makes a quick note of what I said and goes “Humm what do you mean?” *laptop is turned round to face me*
I sigh. And show him on the software how the lights have multiple ways you can control them. “Oh, i think i set it up wrong when I programed the system. I’ll have to redo it all 🙁” Yes, I heard the emoticon in his tone of voice. So I sigh again as its always good fun, and start checking on the software for programing this stuff.
A couple of hours later and I can now program and design these systems to do whatever is needed, I’ve reset his program up to do what he needs as he walked through each section of the hospital, And I even managed to translate the terms it used into the terms my Dad is more used to using so he can do it himself from now on. It is hard, He has spent many years working on all sorts of alarm systems (He taught me how to wire/design alarm systems) and ever since year 1 a zone = an area of comman alarms items. In this system a zone is an individual or group of lights. So we have it all setup as he wants it, I stand up from the floor, streach and “Thanks, now how do we program it so if an alarm goes unanswered for a set length of time the other nurse stations are buzzed?” Sigh, sit back down.
At least he now has the basic system programed up, and better yet he understands the new terms, and how to use the software. So he should be able to do all future changes himself.
See, no such thing as a free dinner, There was not even a sweet!
Medical Misadventures
I am suffering from the medical condition “Vampire Eyes” again. “What is Vampire Eye?“ you ask, Well you should read some of the earlier blog posts where its mentioned in detail. OK! I’m nice, I’ll give a quick re-cap for the newer readers.
VAMPIRE EYES:
A weird eye infection that causes the eye infected to glow red, be extremely sensitive to sunlight, spend all day trying to close, and all night trying to open.
That’s probably not the correct medical term, Its just the one I am using until someone can give me the correct term. And No one has yet identified the illness. So there I am next best thing to blind and not liking it at all, so I play the lottery of seeing a doctor. You see, to get an appointment with my doctor you must phone up in a very short window of time the morning you would like the appointment. Now there is only one phone number, one person answering, for an area covering six or more villages (One being the largest village in Wales). So the phone line is constantly engaged. Today I was lucky. I got me an appointment at 9:30 with a new doctor.
So at 9:15 I pull into the car park of the doctors place only to find it full, as is the library car park next to it, a quick zoom around all the neighbouring car parks left me abandoning my car on the side of the road. (Err YES! the brighter of you lot may have just asked out loud, “You Drove? You said you was blind!” its a skill driving purely by using the power of the force!) Anyway, I make it into the Doctors Surgery for 9:25 and state my name, appointment time and details to the receptionist who proceeds to give me a number attached to a big coloured bit of plastic. “A Number? I have an appointment at a set time, i had to fight using multiple phone lines to get it, and I am reduced to a number, just like in the pre-appointment times!” So I sit down with my number (5) a quick check at current number (2) means I have a bit of a wait…
*BUZZ* *BUZZ* The light next to my Doctors name is flashing, its not my turn as I am several numbers down the list. Now some old lady with a lower number than me looks at the other old dear next to her and goes “That’s you dear, your the next number!” for the other woman to reply “No, I’m a different doctor” They then get into a small argument over what doctor they are seeing as they both have the same coloured bit of plastic (each doctor having a different colour). This argument them covers the whole room as its discovered everyone in the waiting room has the same coloured bits of plastic yet are waiting on four different doctors. After a bit more arguing and more buzzing from the doctor the least able bodied person in the room stumbles her way to the receptionist on her two walking sticks. It turns out the receptionist was having an insane morning and gave everyone the same colour. So we are all given the correct colour, and I see an opportunity as I now have a card for the most popular doctor with a number lower than most the people waiting to see him. So I try to sell my lower number, Alas I failed to get any bids and the card was taken off my be a nurse.
On another bonus, my new doctor is a rather attractive young lady so i may need to fabricate a few more illnesses.
It made for an entertaining morning.
Diversion Deviants
I would like to give a mention of thanks to the Pranksters who made my Monday morning commute much easier than normal, while providing me with entertainment that’s kept me amused all day so far. Let me explain:-
My current commute is a nightmare from roadworks and diversions. Well on my trip in this morning as I was driving along one of the diversions, I noticed that there was a “diversion” sign in a new place, and was now sending traffic off the route they had been using for the last few weeks, and down a different road. Now as I know the area, I ignored the diversion and continued on my way, on a now empty road as everyone else had followed the sign. And for that ease of trip I thank you whoever moved the sign.
I should point out why this has amused me so much all day.
The road all the cars, vans, trucks, wagons were being diverted along was a dead end. A dead end with no real space o turn a car around, let alone any of the bigger vehicles. In fact I’d be surprised due to narrowness of road if the trucks did not get jammed before they made it to the end, helping to trap everyone on the road. And all this on a Monday morning (which people tend to hate anyway). Once again, I raise my hat to whoever was behind this bit of pure genius!!
Fornit some Fornus!
Dead Space – Atmospheric Madness
I know its a slightly old game, and I’m a bit late playing it for the first time. In my defense I did have a slight addiction to re5, l4d, and cod5waw for a while so I am a tad behind on games. So seeing “Dead Space” on sale online for under £10 delivered, how could I refuse. Two days later and the game was in my hand ready to play.
Now, when the game first came out one of my colleagues got it and was telling me how creepy, atmospheric and brilliant the game was. So I knew that to get full enjoyment I needed to set it up correctly.
Step 1) Place game in xbox and boot it up.
Step 2) Turn up sound to a high level
Step 3) Close all curtains in the room
Step 4) Turn off the lights
Step 5) Let the fun commence.
The game (so far) takes part of a damages space ship. The corridors and rooms are all damaged and smashed up, there bodies here and there, graffiti on the walls, and no power to some sections so its completely dark, only illuminated by the torch on your gun. Oh and to make it trickier some parts are open to space so there’s no air (How long can you hold your breath).
So I start the game, and within minutes I’m running for a lift being chased by something, luckily i get in the lift in time for the creature to get cut up by closing doors and I’m off. I get a gun a bit latter which is handy as these creatures are everywhere. Only their bodies are basically bullet proof, you have to shoot their limbs off to do any damage. Now consider it, your in a pitch black corridor, a creature jumps out and you have to shoot its limbs off before it runs at you. Add to that the fact they move through the air vents (anyone say aliens?) and can pop out behind you, in front of you, anywhere. You can even see some crawling in the walkways above you. and their shadows move at the end of the corridors you are walking along, so you know you are going to get jumped at some point.
Put all that while sitting in a dark room, with the creepy sounds at a loud volume, and you can imagine how slow i was walking the corridors, “Run? bugger that for a game of soldiers!” I walked with my gun in aim mode, checking every corner and vent I approached. It may take me a while to complete the game, but I’ll do it in one piece. This is the best game I’ve played since re5 (well shotgun + zombies always scores high).
Fable-2 – Bigamy, Blackmail, & Necrophilia
I spent part of the weekend finishing off the game “Fable 2” on the xbox. Well not completely finishing it off, as there’s still a couple of side quests I could do, The main one has been finished, the world saved from tyranny, and all the poor peasants killed by the spire resurrected (I was playing a saintly character, Next time I’m having more fun being evil). Anyway, as I was playing I realised that its a very strange game, and you can get into some weird situations for a game without even trying. Let me give you some examples from a short session of gameplay.
1) Bigamy
Yes, This game allows you to marry as many times as you wish. You can have families all over the place (Just remember their upkeep costs you money.) You can also have same sex marriages (So its pretty open minded for a game) and some ever weirder ones that I’ll come to in a bit. I discovered this by accident. I had a wife and child in one village, living happily and content when I accidentally married a gypsy girl.
2) Blackmail
So there I am, with two wives, one child (and an absent husband to both) When i decide to go visit my first wife to see how my child was growing up. And I could do with resting somewhere to recover my health. Your family home gives you better bonuses for sleeping there. So I arrive home, to be greeted by my daughter who is running about all excited at seeing me for he first time. My loving wife gives me a gift of a health potion and a letter some stranger had dropped off for me. “odd!” think I. So I read the letter to discover its a blackmail demand. Someone is demanding 2000 Gold Pieces to keep quiet about my bigamist ways. Yes dear reader I was being blackmailed in a computer game! What has the world come to.
3) Necrophilia.
Yes, You read that correct necrophilia. I was doing a weird quest that involved me retrieving some countesses body parts for a rather creepy gravedigger. Once he had all the parts he brought her back to life as a zombie (He was very lonely and in love) He had cast a love spell on her so she would fall in love with him and follow him anywhere. There was a slight problem with this, I’d wandered away from the console to get a coffee. Apparently she fell in love with the first person she saw, and for her to get together with the gravedigger I had to leave. Since I was AFC (Away From Console) she fell in love with me, and took to following me everywhere. It did not seem nice to kill her, as she had only just come back from the dead, so I did the only other thing I could to stop her following me. Yes, I married her and moved her into a house I bought just for her. It would have been fine if ended there, only being me i wondered “What would happen if you had unprotected sex with a zombie?” Result: another child. I never got to find out if the child would grow up to be a zombie child (which would have been semi cool) Since the evil soldiers killed all my families in an attempt to wipe out my hero bloodline. They even shot my dog!
THEY SHOT MY DOG!