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Latest News and Blog Posts from Wayne “Pendragon” Owens.
100 Days Challenge – The Interview
1. Do you collect anything? If so, what?
Good Question Wayne. Do I collect anything? Does the broken dreams and crushed souls of people who have upset me count? No? Ok Then I do not collect anything, well apart from Books, Computer Games, Knives, Dice (New one I just decided), And timelords.
2. Coffee or tea?
Coffee!!!! for Tea is the most foulest creation every created by Man!!! err, apart from that Justin Beaver kid. Ok Tea is the second foulest thing created By Mankind… Apart from Reality TV… Ok, Tea is the third foulest thing… Oh Screw It. the answer is COFFEE!!!!
3. Which of these things would you find hardest to give up for a year? Chocolate, reading, coffee or smoking?
Well I do not smoke so that would be the easiest to give up for a Year. Chocolate would be next easiest.. Ok so it comes down to Reading or Coffee. Now I did give up coffee for a while once, until several Co-Workers forced me to restart for Health & Safety concerns. Hum? Can I still drink highly caffeinated drinks? Also. How come decaffeinated is a word but according to my spell check caffeinated is not??
4. What is the first word that comes into your mind when you see the word “tree”?
KILL!!!
Well in fairness, that’s always the first word that pops into my head in relation to everything. I am very much a Shoot first, Stab later kind of guy!
5. Who is number one on your “allowed list”?
I am Single *BIG SIGH* *Slight Tear* So technically every woman I fancy is on my “Allowed List”. And If I was taken then I would not have a list because I am a very faithful and loving person *Looks Around and thinks This should help with the ladies!*
6. Where in the world would you like to visit and why?
An off-license. Basically because I have no beer, and I want beer. So I would like to visit an off-license and get some beer. Or maybe ComicCon? Or DefCon, Or BlackHat, HoPE, Pax… They do have Beer at cons right???
7. If you could do any job in the world what would it be?
Felicia Days Husband. That’s a Job right? Oh maybe I should have put Her as top of my allowed list. Nah, I like my answer to that question, and besides I have already answered it and I can not go back and change my mind because time travel has not yet been invented.
8. Do you prefer to be totally organised or to “wing it”, or are you somewhere in between?
“Wing it” every time. Although I believe the “technical” term for my actual system is “Making it up as I go along!”. You see I am really really crap at making plans or organising myself. I keep stating I need an Intern, PA, Slave or partner to keep me organised and productive. Without one I just get too easily distracte
9. Which Invention would you really like to see Invented and why?
Time travel. It would be so COOL!!! you could go back and see how the pyramids, stonehenge, and the dead sea were built. You could witness life changing events, win on every rollover lottery there has ever been. And MOST of all, I could go back in time and change my answer to question 5.
10. Do you realise you spelled distracted wrong in your answer to Question 8.
I did? Man, sorry about that I got distracted by this AWESOME thing and lost my train of thought. Tell you what, when I get my time machine I will finish off the answer to Question 8 on my way back to change my answer to Question 5. Deal?
11. What did you want to be when you grow up?
I never planned on growing up. And to date I still have not really. I figure something cool would be err cool? or failing that maybe something where I use my mind for the betterment of mankind. I know. World leader. I think that would be a good job for me.
This was originally posted on the 100 days challenge blog.
But I thought I would cross post it here as well.
I Have the Best (But Oddest) Friends
Apparently last night Geek Goddess Felicia Day Tweeted the following.
I did not see the tweet myself due to being asleep. What I did see was the emails waiting for me in my inbox, and the DM’s on Facebook/Twitter from different friends. Mostly along the lines of “Congratulations”, “How did you manage that”, “WOW, your fantasies have come true” and other variations on the theme.
For those of you with a confused look on your face, IN Uni I was referred to as “Pen” and my Uni friends, and SPOD friends from that time still call me Pen. Which makes the phrase “Pen exploded all over me.” a totally different meaning.
Friends. You Rock !m!.
Dear Reader
Greetings and Salutations
I decided to write you a letter, and this is it. Yes this —-=> here <=—-
So… The letter… How shall I begin?…
Let me count the ways I could begin.
- Dear You
- Oi Mush
- Ewwo
- Greetings and salutations
- Time for tubby bye bye??
But all these ways are just academic since I started with Greetings and Salutations at the top of the sheet of paper… So. Big Fuck Off Opening… Dum-De-Dum… Right, The letter…
Nope. It’s Gone, I can’t think of anything to write. My mind is blank, its as empty as a big empty container that’s totally empty. In the words of the poet, “I’m hanging from a cobweb in my mind, and I’m staring at a long way down.” I know, I’ll sing to myself and see if that help.
(Short Break While We Sing The Halloween Song)
OK. Back. Did you miss me? I missed me, but I’ve reloaded now and I don’t plan to miss me with my next shot. Want to come to my funeral? You welcome to come, but you have to dress as a small furry rodent.
Woo. Page two. I really should start the letter now, there is only so much gibbering that I can put down before you’ll decide to kill me… and I know you. You will kill me, cos. you hate me, really hate me, killed my babies and everything. So, without further ado I’ll start the letter…
But before I do. I just got to share the lyrics that were just sung “One minute you’re a looker who looked, and the next you’re a hooker who’s hooked” they don’t make songs like that any more… Probably for a reason!!!
I was going to do this letter carrying on from the last set of comments, but how do you reply to an insane person… you are mad… your comments prove it… just total inane ramblings, hum? I can just do total insane ramblings. Yes! That’s it, this letter will contain not one piece of sense. So, all I need now is a topic matter, and I know just the way to get it.
(Pause In Letter As The Good Catholic Boy Author Goes To SMS Someone for a Topic)
Back again and I now have a topic to talk about, yes we will discus the merits of “Glow In The Dark Sunglasses” Now personally I think that’s a brilliant idea. We all know how great sunglasses are from protecting the eyes from the harmful effects of sunlight. But a pair of sunglasses that protected the eyes from the harmful affects of glow in the dark stuff (Glow Sticks for example) well that would be a very handy thing for people to have, would make the world a much better place. Forget Work! I’m going to make my fortune with “glow in the dark sunglasses”!!!
Bored Now!
Well it was a good idea, but I really was hoping you’d give me a topic that I could ramble on about for ages, but NO! You had to give me glow in the dark sunglasses! What am I supposed to do with an idea like that? I have no idea…
I really hope you can actually read this writing (please pretend I’m writing this to you with a real pen and everything. I feel it makes it more personal) cos. I’m not sure I can. Its like all scribbled up. Its spider scrawl, like a spider stepped into a tiny puddle of ink and walked all over a piece of paper leaving spider scribbles behind…
So. Big fuck off ending… how do we end, how do we start? That’s a bit deep and meaningful for this letter and especially this time of night so I’ll answer those and other questions like :-
- Who was that masked man?
- Is the Demonpengu an alien lifeform?
- Is the YoYoMan a lifeform?
- What is that strange growth there?
- Will I ever make sense?
Yes all these and other questions will be answered on the next instalment of “There’s nothing in wayne’s head”. Take care. You all drive safe, good night, and remember, if you’re in a different zip code it didn’t happen…
Yours in need of a new mind
ME!!
Originally from the 100 Days Challenge
Genetically Engineered Animals Fight Back.
Ok, so you are probably looking at the title of this post and wondering “WTF is he on about now?” or maybe you think its a GM crop style post. Well Whatever is going through your mind right about now I bet its not what the content of this post is actually about.
So this morning on my daily commute to the Insane Asylum I was stuck behind a white van with a very odd logo on it and the term GEA United. *one second, I took a photograph to show you guys, and to check later to make sure I had not finally gone Insane* (Editor: “What’s do you mean gone?“)
If you look closely (Or embiggen it) you will notice the picture seems to be of a Black and Orange cow being chased off by a bunch of normal Black/White cows. Obviously the Orange cow is not a natural creature so it must have been Genetically Engineered, and since it is clearly running for its life, The other Cows must be attacking it because of its difference. Calling them Nazi Cows may be a bit strong, but we here at the Three Ninjas Temple have never been scared to speak our minds.
Since the Picture undoubtedly represents the oppressions and bullying that Genetically Engineered Animals have to deal with on a daily basis, the name “GEA United” becomes simple to work out. Genetically Engineered Animals United. Its some support group created to be the voice of the oppressed, and help out where they can. A worthy goal I say, for we can not let the Nazi Cows rule the world.
Yes, I know there is some editing of the photo, I have removed the license plate and phone numbers from the vehicle to help protect the vital work done by GEA United. So some of you may be thinking I coloured in the cow Orange, to you people I say two things, firstly “What kind of person would colour a cow Orange??” and secondly “here, I found this logo on the interwebz.”
I would like you all to now take a moment out of your busy day and spare a thought about the heroic work done by these guys, and maybe make a donation the next time you see a oddly coloured talking animal out with a collection jar/bucket/tin.
From The Bookshelf: Let’s Pretend This Never Happened ( A Mostly True Memoir)
Anyone who is not reading The Bloggess’s Blog really needs to start. Jenny is a wonderful writer, and her insane posts are the highlight of the week.
Basically Go read her BLOG!!
No Wait. come back. Let me tell you about her book first, then go read her blog. Because once you start reading you will become a fan. Then as a fan you will want to read her book to find out what made Jenny into TheBloggess.
And believe me, If you read her book without laughing out loud then you are dead inside, or a zombie. Don’t be a dead inside zombie. Read this book.
Read about the time she defended her dead buried dog from furious vultures with a machete. That’s she had the machete because be serious vultures may be big but there’s no way they could hold and use a machete???
Just read the book, I could make up all sorts of amazing and wonderful things you will read about in the book, but none would be as wonderful as the true stuff thats in there.
So Go now, read her blog while you wait for your copy of her book to arrive.. go.. run.. run like the zombies are after you, or Chupacabra..
I will give this book a 10/10
Societas Rosicruciana in Anglia (S.R.I.A)
This evening I joined the Societas Rosicruciana in Anglia (SRIA).
This is the first completely side order in Masonry I have joined, and one I have been interested in for a few years now, ever since I read about it in “Beyond the craft”. The Order seemed interesting to me, and I have been asking around for information on this order but every Mason I have asked gave the same answer of “I’ve never heard of it!“.
A few weeks ago my father was enthroned into the Most Wise Sovereigns chair of Valle Crucis Chapter Rose Croix, and as the dutiable son I had offered to pick him up after the meeting so he could have a few drinks to celebrate. When I entered the Maesgwyn Hall to collect him several Masonic friends got excited when they saw me and started dragging me into a group. Not to congratulate my father, but to meet the person who had installed him into the chair. They excitedly informed me that he was a member of the order I had been asking about. Within a week, I had gotten an invite and this evening I joined Bishop Wilkins College in the Province of Western Counties and North Wales. Where the Person who had put my father into the chair, was in the chair and initiated me.
From what I learned this evening, and what I can see in the books I received at my initiation this will be a very informative and enjoyable order.
Inmates Assemble
Last night some of the Inmates at the asylum staged an escape, we went over the tunnel and through the wire before making a mad run through torrential rain into England for FREEEEEEEDOM and the Avengers movie. The escapees consisted of, DemonPengu, YoYoMan, Myself and a Hobbit. Why “and a Hobbit?” well I think all good stories should begin with …. and a Hobbit.
Now there may or may not have been an incident with the cinemas WiFi connection, and very poor security *cough* (default password) *cough* But that’s a different story for another time. So Drinks, Popcorn, Chocolate & tickets were collected, and our team of escapees sat down ready to watch the film. And what a film!!!!
What can I say about this film?
Seriously! What can I say, This film is a sequel not only to IronMan I & II but also The Hulk, Thor & Captain America. We are talking five MASSIVE action films all with their own main character, and these five sequels combined into one uber-film. And this is not to mention the other Main (But no individual films yet) characters of Hawk-eye, Black Widow, & Nick Fury.
As you would expect of this film, the action, effects, and heroness* are out of this world (And not just because there was an Alien Army, and two demi-gods involved). All in all, it was everything you would expect in an Action Film!
What you may not expect, and I know I for one did not expect it as the pure comedy gold this film contains. Its rare to hear an entire audience pissing themselves laughing in an action film, and during this film, the audience laughed a LOT!. I have actually been to comedy films where the laughter was not as loud and honest as it was in this film.
So we have, Heroes, Villains, Action, Effects, Comedy, Fantasy Characters, Monsters, Space Army, Spy’s, Soldiers, Secret Organisations, Futuristic exo-armour, Gods, Heartbreak & romance. I was going to say all they were missing was a funny CGI/Animated talking pet until I remembered the Hulk. This film really does have everything!!!
Put simply. The four of us left the cinema after the film, stood outside and seriously considered going back in to see the next showing. And at least two of the Inmates did re-watch it the following night (i.e. tonight). I think that’s testament to its awesomeness all by itself.
*Its a real word. I made it up and decided it is real!
Customer Rant
Because its healthy to vent the spleen!
Now I’m sure I have Blogged about this customer before, but for the life of me I can not remember what name I gave him (Maybe I should keep track of the names I assign people). Anyway today we shall refer to the Customer/Company/Person as Gillid*
Here’s an extract of a Phone conversation that just happened.
Gillid: “Hi, I was told that since TheArchivist* no longer works there you may be able to help me!“
WO: “I may be able to, what’s your problem?”
Gillid: “I have a website where I upload loads of data to it every few months, and our CMS that RedBack* made does not work so TheArchivist normally does it for me!“
WO: “No problem. If you email me the data, and let me know what is what in it, I’m sure I can sort it out for you but getting your CMS fixed may be a good idea. Now I’m not sure what you’ve been charged for the data entry in past…….”
Gillid: “Oh TheArchivist did it all for free!“
WO: “Well we won’t be doing that, you’ll have to pay for our time doing it“
Gillid: “OH. can you give me TheArchivist’s personal email address or phone number?“
WO: “No. I’m not giving out peoples personal info!“
Gillid: “ok. I’ll upload it myself!!!!” *Hangs UP*
Thirty minutes after that phone conversation the Support Department get a ticket from Gillid asking for TheArchivists contact details. They guy is seriously trying to get hold of one of our x-employees in the hope that the guy will do work for him for free while no longer being associated to the Asylum?
And after all that If it was just a quick data import into a mySQL DB I’d have probably only charged him £15 or some nominal price.
As normal Names changed to protect me from lawsuits!
I mean to protect the innocent!
Vaginal Fantasy Hangout
“Once a month four ladies discuss a Vaginal Fantasy book in a G+ Hangout. Interpret at will.”
That’s the premise of this group off their website, and basically that’s what it is. Two months back Felicia Day, Bonnie Burton, Veronica Belmont and Kiala Kazebee* teamed up to do a G+ Hangout where they discussed “Vaginal Fantasy”**, I watched the first one simply because I follow some of those ladies on the Twitters and find them very entertaining. Well individually they may be entertaining, combine them into a group, add a helping of alcohol and you get something where the combined awesomeness outweighs the total of the individual parts.
The hangout was so popular that they created a goodreads group, their own website and set it up to be a monthly hangout. Now since I am male and don’t read those lovey-dovey ladies books I did not read the first group book, but simply watched the second hangout for the comedy and fun of the event. I did feel bad, like I was failing, I had joined the book club so I should read the books, or at least try to start them. So when the book for the third hangout was posted I figured “What the hell!” its only one small book, I can give over a short time to reading it, and if I tell no one then my manliness will be safe.
The book was “Slave to Sensation” by Nalini Singh. OK the title was not the best, and the cover art!!! Lets just say “thank the gods for eBooks and leave it at that” The book itself, well the plot was a bit thin, the “Bad guy” was easily identifiable from the start, and there was a lot of just “blurring over” points, or questions. But Guys that’s not the point of these books apparently, no! they are a quick read, One maybe two nights and you finish the book, so its fast pulp fiction and the main part is the “romance”.
Buy GUYS I have to let you into a secret the GALS have been keeping to themselves, the romance? well it involves SEX, lots of sex. In fact you could call it soft porn***, OK its not images or photographs, but its descriptive scenes. So just a different kind, maybe men traditionally prefer the visual stimulation and women may like the written where it plays out in their mind. So any guy who is told by a woman that porn is wrong, or she does not like it, I suggest that man have a peak at that woman’s book collection.
Hell, Guys, if your partner reads “chick romance books” Have a read yourself the next time they are out and you are alone with their books. Trust me, its worth the experience. And defiantly watch the Hangouts, they are one of the best shows on the interwebz at the minute.
And if you catch me reading any of these VF style books, I can assure you its for “Research Purposes” I’m just checking them out “……for a friend”
Vaginal Fantasy Details.
Website: http://vaginalfantasy.com/
GoodReads Group: http://www.goodreads.com/group/show/62938.Vaginal_Fantasy_Hangout
Videos: You can find these on Felicia’s YouTube channel
- * Four women who belong to that supposedly mythical group “Geek Girls”
- ** This term probably does not mean what you think it does
- *** Yes I know its not really porn, but if you think of it as the stories in “Those” kinds of magazines then it is very similar ;o).
Dear Cold-Callers. Please STOP……….It’s Hammer Time!
Thanks to a push on PPI miss-sales, and attempts to get you to switch service providers (Phone, Internet, Electric, Gas, Water, Etc) plus the usual ones trying to sell Mobile Phone contracts, con you into insuring Sky etc, My incoming phone calls are 90% Cold Callers. This really annoys me because they keep interrupting me and I have added my phone number to the Governments “No cold callers list”, So I’ve now given up all pretense of being a nice polite person who politely turns down their sales pitch.
No my current method of dealing with these drones, (Which I started after the same person phoned me four times in one evening supposedly from two different companies) is to let them start their sales pitch, wait a minute then play a sound clip of
Stop Hammer time
Every time you see me that Hammer’s just so hype
I’m dope on the floor and I’m magic on the mic
Now why would I ever stop doing this
With others makin’ records that just don’t hit
I toured around the world from London to the BAY
It’s Hammer go Hammer
mc hammer yo hammer and the rest can go and play
U can’t touch this (oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh)
U can’t touch this (oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh)
U can’t touch this (oh-oh oh-oh-oh)
Yeah u can’t touch this
Then after all that’s played, I return to the phone with a polite “Sorry about that, it was Hammer time”
So far only one cold-caller has remained on the line to hear my response, and she was pissing herself laughing, and i heard her speak in the background “Best call EVER!!“.
I’m hoping MC Hammer can help me cut down on the callers.