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Latest News and Blog Posts from Wayne “Pendragon” Owens.
Never bet against a Geek
I have been sorting out the To-Sort folders on my machines, it’s a job you can tell is long overdue by the recursive To-Sort folders that have moved from long dead machines to the To-Sort folders of newer machines. In one of these long distant folders I found a photograph, which reminded me of a story. A story I am going to share with you dear Constant Reader because it teaches an important message. “Never bet against Geeks” because they are resourceful and think outside the box.
It was December 2002, University’s had broken up for the Christmas break and there was a group of us out celebrating seeing each other again after the long semester.
An Important fact to remember is that in 2002 mobile phones were not as common as they are now. Very few people had them, and even less carried them about due to their large size. Oh, and a phone with a camera, that was pure science fiction.
So there we were, several pubs along our way through a pub crawl when someone mentioned that it would be great if we had a photo to remember the night. But who takes a camera out with them on a pub crawl?
We had no chance right?
Well that’s what the majority of the group decided, and I say majority because there was two of us who decided there must be a way, nothing is impossible right?
So, we were out in the middle of the local town, slightly drunk, with no camera and the need to get a photograph. We had no chance, right? The rest of our group were so positive they even made a small wager. A wager of several drinks was involved. This was their big mistake.
You do not give a geek a puzzle. If you do, you do not tell the geeks its impossible. And if you really do that, you really do not add a wager of beer!!
We had no chance right?
Correct, we did not have “No Chance” we had “Every Chance” for we were geeks. I recalled there was a webcam setup in the window of the local council offices, so if we stood in the area it pointed at we would be in a picture. We just needed someone to go to the webpage and grab a screen shot of the image. This is where my fellow Geek, popped into a phone box, phoned his Uni digs, where he knew one of his room mates would be about to do the necessary.
So we organised a signal, and went to go stand in front of the webcam, While 100 miles away someone sat at their computer and waited for the signal, then did a screen capture, and emailed us the image.
Challenge completed, a photo of the evening was procured. and many free drinks were had.
So, dear Constant Reader never bet against a geek, for as the bible says “The Geek will inherent the earth”
The Apple does not fall far from the Tree
My father got my mother a Kindle Paperwhite for Christmas since she loves to read at night. I was there when she opened it, I watched as she excitedly opened the box, took out her new kindle and powered it on for the first time, touched the screen, looked confused and handed the device to me (within four minutes of opening the box) asking “Why is it all weird?” My mother had managed to set the kindles language to Chinese. And expected me to quickly fix her new toy so she could continue to play with it.
Now I do not know if you are aware, but when powering on a kindle paperwhite for the first time it goes through a sequence of steps. Such as Set up Language, Set up WiFi, Set up and log into your amazon account, etc. And you must complete all these steps before you get to such useful things as Menus & Options. So I had to do all that for her before I could re-set the language, and I had to do it all in Chinese Kanji. before I could try and read through the menus (In Chinese) to change the language.
As you can imagine, My mother took some stick for doing this.
FAST FORWARD TWO WEEKS.
My mothers old eBook reader she gave to my sister since she no longer needed it. So I blanked and reset it for her, added a load of free public domain books to start her off and it was sent to my sisters house.
FIVE minutes after it was dropped off at my sisters house I got a phone call from her, asking how to reset the device as she was looking at it and hit the wrong button changing the language to Chinese or some such thing. Yes, she managed to do the exact same thing she made fun of my mother for doing. And once again it was left to me to fix, this time over the phone, without being able to see the device.
As they say, the Apple does not fall far from the tree…
and as I say “My family can be annoying!!!“
The Year That Was – 2012
Its that time of year again.
Where I look back over the previous year and answer the same 40 questions.
1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
OK, New things :-
- Became a Rosicrucian (S.R.I.A.), Attended Rosicrucian Meetings, Installation, Saw a Ceremony, Acted as an officer in a Ceremony Etc.
- Stayed in the Chair for a Second Year. I’m adding this here because not only was this a first for me, but I am the first person in the history of my Lodge to do two years in a row in the chair of KS.
- Had an Active role in Chapter, Which also Includes performing an Exhalation as P.Soj (Those that Know will understand)
- Had a Book published on Amazon.
- Wrote and Published a WordPress Plugin.
Wow. 2012 was a busy year for New Things!!
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Last year instead of picking some arbitrary resolutions which I would then forget or not stick to, I decided to set myself a 12 in 12 Challenge. and I did not do too bad. I failed 2 of the 12. I should point out in total the 12 in 12 ended up having 127 individual tasks, and I only managed to complete 125 of them. I am claiming this as a WIN!.
So to start planning next years challenge.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I do not think so. I do not recall anyone going on about babies, or any really big women suddenly becoming slim again. SO I will have to answer NO to this one.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes.
- My step-aunt (? My mothers step sister, So not sure on what the technical name is. Second Aunt?) Died of a Heart attack at the end of November, which was made worse with her younger brother also having a heart attack on the same day and being rushed into hospital for an operation. And they were both not that much older than me.
- A Cantankerous Old Coot from NJ, Who I may never have met in person, but still spoke to on-line. Mr Thorn, you were a decent bloke (A rare thing in these days) even if you were a bit misguided about the Welsh 😉
5. What countries did you visit?
None, NaDa, Niltch, I really need to pick somewhere to go on Holiday.
6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
Love, A version of COD with no Cheaters, Joy of Work, A plan, Enthusiasm. Oh and an Intern/PA, and A version of COD with no Cheaters (I felt that needed going in twice).
7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
- 14th May – When I joined the S.R.I.A.
- 27th November – When I became a Published Author.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Becoming a Published Author in my own name (As apposed to bits in other peoples works). And the fact that more than one hundred copies were downloaded from Amazon in the first 24 hours. With it reaching #33 In the Horror eBook chart, and #700 In the Full eBook chart with over ONE THOUSAND copies downloaded in under a week, and seeing an Author I respect tweeting he had bought a copy.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not completing the full 12 in 12 challenge (Although 2 failures is not too bad). And not finding my lost Enthusiasm.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nope, other than the normal bumps and bruises you pick up in the course of a Year. Such as jumping up off the sofa to answer the phone without realising your legs have gone to sleep because you are sat in a weird position, and then face planting yourself into the desk.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Kindle Paperwite. Its the best device I have every tried for reading books. And maybe my new 6TB NAS.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My Niece for the way she tried to comfort my mother when she received the news of my Aunts death, and the fact she texted everyone on the morning of the funeral to make sure everyone kept an eye on my mother). Not to mention the workload she is currently under with School, Collage, and two choirs, and Young Leader in the guides. (Hell and her two favorite shows are Big Bang Theory, and How I Met Your Mother, she gets points for that)
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Whoever missed out The eldest Brother & three Sisters from the list of Brothers and Sisters named (Several times) During my Aunts funeral. That was wrong, Petty, and hurt them!
14. Where did most of your money go?
Diesel for commuting, and new Toys (Laptop, NAS, Computer Games, Books, New Kindle paperwhite, New Car).
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Flirting with Jeri “7of9” Ryan On Twitter, Chatting to Bonnie Burton, Felicia Day & Veronica Belmont on Twitter (And possibly sourcing a epub version of a VF Book for them) Its been a Good year for Twitter. Seeing my own Book on Amazon, and reading the reviews I got. Not to mention seeing a well known Author tweet he had just bought a copy. Oh and finally Joining S.R.I.A.
16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
“I’m the One That’s Cool” By The Guild/Knights of Good.
Its almost a geek anthem for the Year. For it’s now the “Age of the Geek”, our time is now, as it was foretold in the bible “The Geek shall inherit the earth!”
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
- a) happier or sadder? Happier.
- b) thinner or fatter? Thinner.
- c) richer or poorer? Richer.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Falling in Love, Writing, Following my Dreams, Conquering the World, Finding a cure for the common cold and blackmailing people for the cure, You know, the simple pleasures in life.*1
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? .
Putting things off, Being the only person in the office, and suffering from lack of enthusiasm.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
It is traditional in my Family for us all to gather at my parents house for a meal on Christmas day. So I will get up, go see my family, then to my Parents to err Help with the meal *2 then it will be an afternoon of being to stuffed to do anything bar drink and play games.
21. What was your favourite month of 2012?
November Because it was when I became an Author and started what I hope to be a second career. Watch for more books to be released in 2013 *3
22. Did you fall in love in 2012?
Alas No. I am high functioning Sociopath. *4
23. How many one-night stands?
One night stands? None (I’m a gentleman! And a gentleman never sleeps & tells). *5
24. What was your favourite TV programme?
I’m going to pick from new shows I only started watching in 2012, because there are too many old shows I like to list them all. How I met your Mother (Thanks PlanetPete), Arrow, & 30 Rock.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
You know what? NO! I do not believe I hate anyone this year that I did not hate previously. Maybe I am growing as a person, becoming more enlightened?
Or is everyone already on THE LIST *6.
26. What was the best book you read?
Confessor by Terry Goodkind. Not only was it a great book, But it explained and setup so much stuff from the “Sword of Truth” Series, it was great to see the how and why of so much stuff, and it gave you a different understanding of some of the lore.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
MC Frontalot.
28. What did you want and get?
A Published Book, A new car.
29. What did you want and not get?
To become IPM, Love, Slaves A PA/Intern, A new House.
30. What was your favourite film of this year?
This is a tricky one, since it has been a good year for films. and the competition has been fierce. I think I will have to go with “The Avengers” since it had the right levels of Action, Effects, & Comedy. It was the first action film that I actually laughed out loud while watching, I had seen in a long time. So that wins my vote.
P.S. I have not yet seen the Hobbit, so I reserve the right to change my answer.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
My birthday this year fell on Installation day, So I should have spent it stepping down from power and installing my successor. But since I did not have one, I spent my Birthday staying in power, then having a BIG meal and loads of drinks with friends. It was a good day.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not being the only Full time member of staff in the office, A long lasting Relationship, More enthusiasm, Warmth, The Sun.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
It has been the coldest year on Record (My Own Records) So mostly Cargo Pants (I like the extra pockets) Jumpers, and in work Coats.
Oh and suits, because suits are awesome…… True story. *8
34. What kept you sane?
Sane? Sane? “You Keep Using That Word, I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means”.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Veronica Belmont, Host of Sword & Laser, Tekzilla, Vaginal Fantasy Book Club, etc. She has all the right Qualifications, Looks, Personality, Intelligence, And Geeky Leanings/Hobbies & Interests.
And I’d like to add Alyson Hannigan to this as a last minute add, Due to the amount of “How I met your mother” I have been watching, and I recently re-watched the American Pie series of films.
Veronica Belmont.
Alyson Hannigan.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The fact the UK is giving so much money in aid to countries that have asked us to stop, but we are still sending it even though we need that cash ourselves.
37. Who did you miss?
No one. “ high functioning Sociopath” Remember? Remember? from Question 22?.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
I’ve met a few interesting people from S.R.I.A. and some great new friends on Twitter. But No one person stands out as the “best new person”.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012?.
Dreams can come true, if you just work at them.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I’m the One That’s Cool by The Guild.
Role reversal must be a total drag
But there’s no point, no point for me to humblebrag
I appreciate you for being cruel
I’m burning bright thanks to your rejection fuel
Got my in-jokes you won’t get
Like Honey Badger, Troll Face and Nyan Cat
So now your ballin’ parties seem so dumb
You can Evite me, and I’ll say yes, but I won’t really come
*1 Yes I know this is the exact answer that I gave last year. This is because A)My Feelings & Situation have not changed since I answered last year, and B) Its a cool answer.
*2 Well, This year they are having their children, Grand children and great grandchild around for the meal, and as such I can imagine there will be lots of work to be done cooking, preparing, organising, etc. I am volunteering my services to play computer games with my nephews to keep them amused and out the way.
*3 Thats if the World does not in fact end this year.
*4 see *1 Yes I am that lazy!
*5 See *4. OK, I need help.
*6 Just Kidding there is no list. *7
*7 Oh, There is a List.
*8 see *1 Yes I am that lazy!
Is there anyone out there?
Well December 21st 2012 has past and we are all still here. We survived, the world did not end in a blaze of fire, long forgotten unhallowed graves did not spew forth their masses of undead zombies (I am a slightly upset about that one)
So Congratulations to us. WE RULE. so lets put all these doomsday worries behind us, and move on with our lives…….
UNLESSS
This post is set to auto publish. SO technically we could all be dead. the world could be totally destroyed and this post is going out to no one. In which case I would just like to say.
Fornit some Fornus, and Good bye and thanks for all the fish.
For the Parents out there
Hey Guys, Gals, and Constant Readers Lend me your ears.
Oh, I should point out I do not want to use your ears in any weird way. I will not be putting anything into them, before YOU (Yes YOU, you know who YOU are!) ask, Neither do I wish you to rip/cut/remove your ears in any way and throw them at me. In fact I wish I had not started with that famous opening now, and just gone with a more easily defined “Please listen to me for a minute” But, hey ho, you live and learn.
Anyway, I have a Question, and I am aiming it to the parents out there. The question is :-
Does having kids lower your IQ?
Before you parents go nuts and order me to go sit on the naughty step, let me explain by sharing two incidents I have witnessed this week (And its only Wednesday).
Incident 1:
I pulled into a Petrol Station, and got in line to wait for a free Pump. The car in front of my was being filled up by a young lady who looked almost finished. She puts the hose back on the Pump, puts the cap back on her car, all perfectly normal so far. She opened the back door of her car and collected her handbag (Obviously so she could pay inside). At this point her baby must have made a noise at seeing her, since she leans back into the car waves a stuffed rabbit toy about a bit and stands back up, puts her handbag back in the car, gets in and drives off without paying. Now I am positive since she collected her bag she had every intention of paying, but the interaction with her child made her forget she had not paid.
Incident 2:
Driving up a hill on my daily commute (Monday) there is a woman with a pram and a toddler struggling to cross the very busy road. She had made it half way across and was stuck on a small island looking scared. I did the decent thing and stopped to let her across, where upon crossing she turns and starts walking up the hill where 10 yards further up is the School crossing guard to the school she is taking the toddler too. Now in case you are unfamiliar with School Crossing guards, they have the power to stop all traffic to let people cross the road, So why she did not cross 10 yards further up the hill I do not know. As an aside to this Incident, She was there the following day as well (Tuesday), only she had not got to the point of crossing the road yet, I saw her walk past the Crossing guard down to where the road had a little island and wait to try to cross there.
So I ask you. Does having Children lower your ability to do everyday tasks? enquiring minds want to know!
Re-Sitting in the Chair of King Solomon
This evening I was re-Installed into the Chair of King Solomon.
I continue to be the Worshipful Master of Llannerch Lodge No 9056.
Today is my Birthday, and what did I do on my birthday?
I was re-inducted into the Chair of King Solomon as the Master of Llannerch Lodge. I was asked to stay on for a second year due to the Senior Warden dropping off the ladder due to work commitments, and nobody else being in a position or willing to go into the chair. I was more than willing to stay since everyone says that the first time they go into the chair it is a mad rush of an year where you feel like you have no idea what you are doing. Then as soon as you get into the flow and think “I can do this!” your year is over and you step down. So having a second year should be great.
The ceremony was short, since I was already in the chair, we still had a feast at the mid ceremony break. In fact there was so much scones, bara brith’s, and biscuits left over that my work lunches are covered for the next month or two. Then the Festive board was great and all about me! It is a good job I have no ego, or it could go to my head. And all with the added bonus of it happening on my birthday!
This world is so hard and so stony,
That if a man is to get through,
He need have the courage of Nelson,
And plenty of Job’s patience too.
But a man who is kind to another
And cheerfully helps him along,
We’ll claim as a man and a brother,
And here’s to his health in a song.
Jimmy shoes busted both his legs, trying to learn to fly
Recently while watching an episode of the 1970’s series “Wonder Woman” I realised a very significant Superhero fact.
Wonder Woman is this attractive, super powered Hero until she puts on some normal clothes and a pair of glasses and becomes plain old Diana Prince Secretary.
Superman, The man of steel, A super powered Hero until he dresses in normal clothes and puts on a pair of glasses and becomes plain old Clark Kent reporter.
So working with these facts I reverse engineered the whole Superhero effect. And after hours of complex formulas and MATHS!!! I came up with the underlying logic of super powers. Glasses counter powers.
Armed with this knowledge I did the only sensible next step in testing my theory. I removed my glasses and put my pants on the outside, thereby granting myself Super Powers!!!
PEOPLE!!!!
Mathematics Lies!!!
Turns out working backwards and taking a plain normal person, dressing them as a superhero and removing their glasses does not grant them superpowers 🙁
On a side note, I will accept full responsibility for the injuries sustained in this scientific experimentation. In hindsight, maybe the “Can leap tall buildings in a single bound” testing should have been jumping from the ground upwards, and not off the top of a tall building.
Also, Flying is not easy to learn when falling. Mother Birds are bitches for throwing their kids out the nest to see if they can fly!!!
Hopefully the casts will come off soon, and I’ll be back up on my foot, Who needs two legs really? I think I’m just one step closer to every humans goal of being a killer cyborg.
Wayne Owens.
Mild Mannered Blogger and not super hero at all.
Hah. I’ve fixed the Problem with the Calendar
Have you noticed that we have a MAJOR problem with the current calendar system?
You have not? Really? You are joking right? Can you even tell the time?
Ok. For the “Slower” among you let me point out the flaw.
For rough quick calculations you think of there being FOUR weeks in a month. For example if you have X amount of something to last a month, you mentally divide it by 4 to work out your weekly amount.
So FOUR weeks a month. TWELVE months a year. Gives us FOUR times TWELVE or FORTY EIGHT weeks.
Yes. I know. We are all taught in school there are FIFTY TWO weeks in a year. SO where are the missing FOUR weeks? Yes, the current messed up calendar has a whole month missing in it. Which messes up monthly wages/bills/everything.
So What can we do? Just add a new month to the year called Waynember? (Just throwing that name suggestion out there in case a new month is the way forward)
Well, that would give us THIRTEEN months a year, and the average person is superstitions and do not like the number THIRTEEN. So lets but the idea of Waynember as plan B.
So what else can we do?
I suggest we take those FOUR weeks and split them up, and add a couple of extra day to the month. I suggest we slip them in the odd Weekend, making a new Bonus weekend day. I have no name suggestion for this new bonus day. But lets call it WayneDay for now.
WayneDay would be a weekend, and treated like a Bank holiday. As in you get the day off work, but it does not count against your holiday days. It would help the economy with millions of people going to tourist places, pubs, doing DIY on WayneDay. so its win-win all the way.
So there you have it. My suggestion on fixing the Calendar.
You know whats better than Coffee? Right Free Coffee!
Yesterday I got home to find a package waiting for me. I’d like to say I calmly opened it to see what it contained but who am I kidding. I ripped it open like a child at Christmas.
Inside I found a Bag of coffee. But not any old coffee, no, a bag of Kopi’s Diamond Jubilee Special Edition coffee.
I’m looking forward to trying this later as the description sounds good (I‘ll post it at the bottom of this post) And it was very nice of the guys at KOPI to send me this, But I must admit their view of “A months supply of Coffee” does not quiet tally up with what we at the Ninja Temple consider a months supply.
But then again, maybe the average person does not mainline it with a IV feed.
Indian Plantation AA Little Flower
Mild, elegant flavours from one of India’s most prestigious plantations.
There’s no doubt Little Flower is an Indian Coffee. The Wet aroma is of molasses and toffee with a hint of cinnamon, and there’s a slight tamarind sharpness to the finish.
Time to get the pot on…..
Greetings Mr Magpie. One for Sorrow….
So we all know* the “One for Sorrow” Poem in one of its many versions.
*Well I am assuming we all know. If not, Where have you been people!!!!
The one I grew up with is most common one :-
One for sorrow,
Two for joy,
Three for a girl,
Four for a boy,
Five for silver,
Six for gold,
Seven for a secret never to be told.
Now. Growing up I was ignorant of the side rule of what to do if you see a single Magpie. I was only illuminated on the subject when I finally asked my sister why she kept saluting magpies.** And she informed me that a single Magpie (Which equals bad luck) can be countered by saluting it.
**For the first fifteen years of my life I just assumed my sister was insane,
Sounds fishy right?
Well Over the years I have looked it up, and It seems to be be a valid superstition. In fact there seems to be many ways of dealing with the evil of a lone magpie. Some of them are :-
- “Hello Mr Magpie” “How is your wife/where is your wife?”, “Good Morning/Evening Sir” This apparently both counters the bad luck and adds an imaginary magpie to the count making it “Two for Joy”
- Say the phrase “I defy thee” seven times.
- Spit three times to avert ill luck.
- Pinch the person you are walking with. If alone pinch yourself
- Salute the Magpie
Well, What I want to know is. What happens if you respond to the single Magpie by hitting it with your car. While its flying (That should give bonus points right??)
Calm down dear its just a blog post!!
The Magpie was not hurt. It was eating on the road when I was driving at it. It took off in one direction, changed its mind and headed towards me, then changed mind again meaning it had not gained height or distance and its tail-feathers slapped against my cars windscreen.
so if a salute changes bad luck to good luck. does hitting a bird flying in the sky change it from bad luck to AWESOME LUCK
ERRR. just asking for a friend.