Blog Posts:
Latest News and Blog Posts from Wayne “Pendragon” Owens.
For the Parents out there
Hey Guys, Gals, and Constant Readers Lend me your ears.
Oh, I should point out I do not want to use your ears in any weird way. I will not be putting anything into them, before YOU (Yes YOU, you know who YOU are!) ask, Neither do I wish you to rip/cut/remove your ears in any way and throw them at me. In fact I wish I had not started with that famous opening now, and just gone with a more easily defined “Please listen to me for a minute” But, hey ho, you live and learn.
Anyway, I have a Question, and I am aiming it to the parents out there. The question is :-
Does having kids lower your IQ?
Before you parents go nuts and order me to go sit on the naughty step, let me explain by sharing two incidents I have witnessed this week (And its only Wednesday).
Incident 1:
I pulled into a Petrol Station, and got in line to wait for a free Pump. The car in front of my was being filled up by a young lady who looked almost finished. She puts the hose back on the Pump, puts the cap back on her car, all perfectly normal so far. She opened the back door of her car and collected her handbag (Obviously so she could pay inside). At this point her baby must have made a noise at seeing her, since she leans back into the car waves a stuffed rabbit toy about a bit and stands back up, puts her handbag back in the car, gets in and drives off without paying. Now I am positive since she collected her bag she had every intention of paying, but the interaction with her child made her forget she had not paid.
Incident 2:
Driving up a hill on my daily commute (Monday) there is a woman with a pram and a toddler struggling to cross the very busy road. She had made it half way across and was stuck on a small island looking scared. I did the decent thing and stopped to let her across, where upon crossing she turns and starts walking up the hill where 10 yards further up is the School crossing guard to the school she is taking the toddler too. Now in case you are unfamiliar with School Crossing guards, they have the power to stop all traffic to let people cross the road, So why she did not cross 10 yards further up the hill I do not know. As an aside to this Incident, She was there the following day as well (Tuesday), only she had not got to the point of crossing the road yet, I saw her walk past the Crossing guard down to where the road had a little island and wait to try to cross there.
So I ask you. Does having Children lower your ability to do everyday tasks? enquiring minds want to know!
Re-Sitting in the Chair of King Solomon
This evening I was re-Installed into the Chair of King Solomon.
I continue to be the Worshipful Master of Llannerch Lodge No 9056.
Today is my Birthday, and what did I do on my birthday?
I was re-inducted into the Chair of King Solomon as the Master of Llannerch Lodge. I was asked to stay on for a second year due to the Senior Warden dropping off the ladder due to work commitments, and nobody else being in a position or willing to go into the chair. I was more than willing to stay since everyone says that the first time they go into the chair it is a mad rush of an year where you feel like you have no idea what you are doing. Then as soon as you get into the flow and think “I can do this!” your year is over and you step down. So having a second year should be great.
The ceremony was short, since I was already in the chair, we still had a feast at the mid ceremony break. In fact there was so much scones, bara brith’s, and biscuits left over that my work lunches are covered for the next month or two. Then the Festive board was great and all about me! It is a good job I have no ego, or it could go to my head. And all with the added bonus of it happening on my birthday!
This world is so hard and so stony,
That if a man is to get through,
He need have the courage of Nelson,
And plenty of Job’s patience too.
But a man who is kind to another
And cheerfully helps him along,
We’ll claim as a man and a brother,
And here’s to his health in a song.
Jimmy shoes busted both his legs, trying to learn to fly
Recently while watching an episode of the 1970’s series “Wonder Woman” I realised a very significant Superhero fact.
Wonder Woman is this attractive, super powered Hero until she puts on some normal clothes and a pair of glasses and becomes plain old Diana Prince Secretary.
Superman, The man of steel, A super powered Hero until he dresses in normal clothes and puts on a pair of glasses and becomes plain old Clark Kent reporter.
So working with these facts I reverse engineered the whole Superhero effect. And after hours of complex formulas and MATHS!!! I came up with the underlying logic of super powers. Glasses counter powers.
Armed with this knowledge I did the only sensible next step in testing my theory. I removed my glasses and put my pants on the outside, thereby granting myself Super Powers!!!
PEOPLE!!!!
Mathematics Lies!!!
Turns out working backwards and taking a plain normal person, dressing them as a superhero and removing their glasses does not grant them superpowers 🙁
On a side note, I will accept full responsibility for the injuries sustained in this scientific experimentation. In hindsight, maybe the “Can leap tall buildings in a single bound” testing should have been jumping from the ground upwards, and not off the top of a tall building.
Also, Flying is not easy to learn when falling. Mother Birds are bitches for throwing their kids out the nest to see if they can fly!!!
Hopefully the casts will come off soon, and I’ll be back up on my foot, Who needs two legs really? I think I’m just one step closer to every humans goal of being a killer cyborg.
Wayne Owens.
Mild Mannered Blogger and not super hero at all.
Hah. I’ve fixed the Problem with the Calendar
Have you noticed that we have a MAJOR problem with the current calendar system?
You have not? Really? You are joking right? Can you even tell the time?
Ok. For the “Slower” among you let me point out the flaw.
For rough quick calculations you think of there being FOUR weeks in a month. For example if you have X amount of something to last a month, you mentally divide it by 4 to work out your weekly amount.
So FOUR weeks a month. TWELVE months a year. Gives us FOUR times TWELVE or FORTY EIGHT weeks.
Yes. I know. We are all taught in school there are FIFTY TWO weeks in a year. SO where are the missing FOUR weeks? Yes, the current messed up calendar has a whole month missing in it. Which messes up monthly wages/bills/everything.
So What can we do? Just add a new month to the year called Waynember? (Just throwing that name suggestion out there in case a new month is the way forward)
Well, that would give us THIRTEEN months a year, and the average person is superstitions and do not like the number THIRTEEN. So lets but the idea of Waynember as plan B.
So what else can we do?
I suggest we take those FOUR weeks and split them up, and add a couple of extra day to the month. I suggest we slip them in the odd Weekend, making a new Bonus weekend day. I have no name suggestion for this new bonus day. But lets call it WayneDay for now.
WayneDay would be a weekend, and treated like a Bank holiday. As in you get the day off work, but it does not count against your holiday days. It would help the economy with millions of people going to tourist places, pubs, doing DIY on WayneDay. so its win-win all the way.
So there you have it. My suggestion on fixing the Calendar.
You know whats better than Coffee? Right Free Coffee!
Yesterday I got home to find a package waiting for me. I’d like to say I calmly opened it to see what it contained but who am I kidding. I ripped it open like a child at Christmas.
Inside I found a Bag of coffee. But not any old coffee, no, a bag of Kopi’s Diamond Jubilee Special Edition coffee.
I’m looking forward to trying this later as the description sounds good (I‘ll post it at the bottom of this post) And it was very nice of the guys at KOPI to send me this, But I must admit their view of “A months supply of Coffee” does not quiet tally up with what we at the Ninja Temple consider a months supply.
But then again, maybe the average person does not mainline it with a IV feed.
Indian Plantation AA Little Flower
Mild, elegant flavours from one of India’s most prestigious plantations.
There’s no doubt Little Flower is an Indian Coffee. The Wet aroma is of molasses and toffee with a hint of cinnamon, and there’s a slight tamarind sharpness to the finish.
Time to get the pot on…..
Greetings Mr Magpie. One for Sorrow….
So we all know* the “One for Sorrow” Poem in one of its many versions.
*Well I am assuming we all know. If not, Where have you been people!!!!
The one I grew up with is most common one :-
One for sorrow,
Two for joy,
Three for a girl,
Four for a boy,
Five for silver,
Six for gold,
Seven for a secret never to be told.
Now. Growing up I was ignorant of the side rule of what to do if you see a single Magpie. I was only illuminated on the subject when I finally asked my sister why she kept saluting magpies.** And she informed me that a single Magpie (Which equals bad luck) can be countered by saluting it.
**For the first fifteen years of my life I just assumed my sister was insane,
Sounds fishy right?
Well Over the years I have looked it up, and It seems to be be a valid superstition. In fact there seems to be many ways of dealing with the evil of a lone magpie. Some of them are :-
- “Hello Mr Magpie” “How is your wife/where is your wife?”, “Good Morning/Evening Sir” This apparently both counters the bad luck and adds an imaginary magpie to the count making it “Two for Joy”
- Say the phrase “I defy thee” seven times.
- Spit three times to avert ill luck.
- Pinch the person you are walking with. If alone pinch yourself
- Salute the Magpie
Well, What I want to know is. What happens if you respond to the single Magpie by hitting it with your car. While its flying (That should give bonus points right??)
Calm down dear its just a blog post!!
The Magpie was not hurt. It was eating on the road when I was driving at it. It took off in one direction, changed its mind and headed towards me, then changed mind again meaning it had not gained height or distance and its tail-feathers slapped against my cars windscreen.
so if a salute changes bad luck to good luck. does hitting a bird flying in the sky change it from bad luck to AWESOME LUCK
ERRR. just asking for a friend.
100 Days Challenge – The Interview
1. Do you collect anything? If so, what?
Good Question Wayne. Do I collect anything? Does the broken dreams and crushed souls of people who have upset me count? No? Ok Then I do not collect anything, well apart from Books, Computer Games, Knives, Dice (New one I just decided), And timelords.
2. Coffee or tea?
Coffee!!!! for Tea is the most foulest creation every created by Man!!! err, apart from that Justin Beaver kid. Ok Tea is the second foulest thing created By Mankind… Apart from Reality TV… Ok, Tea is the third foulest thing… Oh Screw It. the answer is COFFEE!!!!
3. Which of these things would you find hardest to give up for a year? Chocolate, reading, coffee or smoking?
Well I do not smoke so that would be the easiest to give up for a Year. Chocolate would be next easiest.. Ok so it comes down to Reading or Coffee. Now I did give up coffee for a while once, until several Co-Workers forced me to restart for Health & Safety concerns. Hum? Can I still drink highly caffeinated drinks? Also. How come decaffeinated is a word but according to my spell check caffeinated is not??
4. What is the first word that comes into your mind when you see the word “tree”?
KILL!!!
Well in fairness, that’s always the first word that pops into my head in relation to everything. I am very much a Shoot first, Stab later kind of guy!
5. Who is number one on your “allowed list”?
I am Single *BIG SIGH* *Slight Tear* So technically every woman I fancy is on my “Allowed List”. And If I was taken then I would not have a list because I am a very faithful and loving person *Looks Around and thinks This should help with the ladies!*
6. Where in the world would you like to visit and why?
An off-license. Basically because I have no beer, and I want beer. So I would like to visit an off-license and get some beer. Or maybe ComicCon? Or DefCon, Or BlackHat, HoPE, Pax… They do have Beer at cons right???
7. If you could do any job in the world what would it be?
Felicia Days Husband. That’s a Job right? Oh maybe I should have put Her as top of my allowed list. Nah, I like my answer to that question, and besides I have already answered it and I can not go back and change my mind because time travel has not yet been invented.
8. Do you prefer to be totally organised or to “wing it”, or are you somewhere in between?
“Wing it” every time. Although I believe the “technical” term for my actual system is “Making it up as I go along!”. You see I am really really crap at making plans or organising myself. I keep stating I need an Intern, PA, Slave or partner to keep me organised and productive. Without one I just get too easily distracte
9. Which Invention would you really like to see Invented and why?
Time travel. It would be so COOL!!! you could go back and see how the pyramids, stonehenge, and the dead sea were built. You could witness life changing events, win on every rollover lottery there has ever been. And MOST of all, I could go back in time and change my answer to question 5.
10. Do you realise you spelled distracted wrong in your answer to Question 8.
I did? Man, sorry about that I got distracted by this AWESOME thing and lost my train of thought. Tell you what, when I get my time machine I will finish off the answer to Question 8 on my way back to change my answer to Question 5. Deal?
11. What did you want to be when you grow up?
I never planned on growing up. And to date I still have not really. I figure something cool would be err cool? or failing that maybe something where I use my mind for the betterment of mankind. I know. World leader. I think that would be a good job for me.
This was originally posted on the 100 days challenge blog.
But I thought I would cross post it here as well.
I Have the Best (But Oddest) Friends
Apparently last night Geek Goddess Felicia Day Tweeted the following.
I did not see the tweet myself due to being asleep. What I did see was the emails waiting for me in my inbox, and the DM’s on Facebook/Twitter from different friends. Mostly along the lines of “Congratulations”, “How did you manage that”, “WOW, your fantasies have come true” and other variations on the theme.
For those of you with a confused look on your face, IN Uni I was referred to as “Pen” and my Uni friends, and SPOD friends from that time still call me Pen. Which makes the phrase “Pen exploded all over me.” a totally different meaning.
Friends. You Rock !m!.
Dear Reader
Greetings and Salutations
I decided to write you a letter, and this is it. Yes this —-=> here <=—-
So… The letter… How shall I begin?…
Let me count the ways I could begin.
- Dear You
- Oi Mush
- Ewwo
- Greetings and salutations
- Time for tubby bye bye??
But all these ways are just academic since I started with Greetings and Salutations at the top of the sheet of paper… So. Big Fuck Off Opening… Dum-De-Dum… Right, The letter…
Nope. It’s Gone, I can’t think of anything to write. My mind is blank, its as empty as a big empty container that’s totally empty. In the words of the poet, “I’m hanging from a cobweb in my mind, and I’m staring at a long way down.” I know, I’ll sing to myself and see if that help.
(Short Break While We Sing The Halloween Song)
OK. Back. Did you miss me? I missed me, but I’ve reloaded now and I don’t plan to miss me with my next shot. Want to come to my funeral? You welcome to come, but you have to dress as a small furry rodent.
Woo. Page two. I really should start the letter now, there is only so much gibbering that I can put down before you’ll decide to kill me… and I know you. You will kill me, cos. you hate me, really hate me, killed my babies and everything. So, without further ado I’ll start the letter…
But before I do. I just got to share the lyrics that were just sung “One minute you’re a looker who looked, and the next you’re a hooker who’s hooked” they don’t make songs like that any more… Probably for a reason!!!
I was going to do this letter carrying on from the last set of comments, but how do you reply to an insane person… you are mad… your comments prove it… just total inane ramblings, hum? I can just do total insane ramblings. Yes! That’s it, this letter will contain not one piece of sense. So, all I need now is a topic matter, and I know just the way to get it.
(Pause In Letter As The Good Catholic Boy Author Goes To SMS Someone for a Topic)
Back again and I now have a topic to talk about, yes we will discus the merits of “Glow In The Dark Sunglasses” Now personally I think that’s a brilliant idea. We all know how great sunglasses are from protecting the eyes from the harmful effects of sunlight. But a pair of sunglasses that protected the eyes from the harmful affects of glow in the dark stuff (Glow Sticks for example) well that would be a very handy thing for people to have, would make the world a much better place. Forget Work! I’m going to make my fortune with “glow in the dark sunglasses”!!!
Bored Now!
Well it was a good idea, but I really was hoping you’d give me a topic that I could ramble on about for ages, but NO! You had to give me glow in the dark sunglasses! What am I supposed to do with an idea like that? I have no idea…
I really hope you can actually read this writing (please pretend I’m writing this to you with a real pen and everything. I feel it makes it more personal) cos. I’m not sure I can. Its like all scribbled up. Its spider scrawl, like a spider stepped into a tiny puddle of ink and walked all over a piece of paper leaving spider scribbles behind…
So. Big fuck off ending… how do we end, how do we start? That’s a bit deep and meaningful for this letter and especially this time of night so I’ll answer those and other questions like :-
- Who was that masked man?
- Is the Demonpengu an alien lifeform?
- Is the YoYoMan a lifeform?
- What is that strange growth there?
- Will I ever make sense?
Yes all these and other questions will be answered on the next instalment of “There’s nothing in wayne’s head”. Take care. You all drive safe, good night, and remember, if you’re in a different zip code it didn’t happen…
Yours in need of a new mind
ME!!
Originally from the 100 Days Challenge
Genetically Engineered Animals Fight Back.
Ok, so you are probably looking at the title of this post and wondering “WTF is he on about now?” or maybe you think its a GM crop style post. Well Whatever is going through your mind right about now I bet its not what the content of this post is actually about.
So this morning on my daily commute to the Insane Asylum I was stuck behind a white van with a very odd logo on it and the term GEA United. *one second, I took a photograph to show you guys, and to check later to make sure I had not finally gone Insane* (Editor: “What’s do you mean gone?“)
If you look closely (Or embiggen it) you will notice the picture seems to be of a Black and Orange cow being chased off by a bunch of normal Black/White cows. Obviously the Orange cow is not a natural creature so it must have been Genetically Engineered, and since it is clearly running for its life, The other Cows must be attacking it because of its difference. Calling them Nazi Cows may be a bit strong, but we here at the Three Ninjas Temple have never been scared to speak our minds.
Since the Picture undoubtedly represents the oppressions and bullying that Genetically Engineered Animals have to deal with on a daily basis, the name “GEA United” becomes simple to work out. Genetically Engineered Animals United. Its some support group created to be the voice of the oppressed, and help out where they can. A worthy goal I say, for we can not let the Nazi Cows rule the world.
Yes, I know there is some editing of the photo, I have removed the license plate and phone numbers from the vehicle to help protect the vital work done by GEA United. So some of you may be thinking I coloured in the cow Orange, to you people I say two things, firstly “What kind of person would colour a cow Orange??” and secondly “here, I found this logo on the interwebz.”
I would like you all to now take a moment out of your busy day and spare a thought about the heroic work done by these guys, and maybe make a donation the next time you see a oddly coloured talking animal out with a collection jar/bucket/tin.