Scammers Archives - Wayne Pendragon Owens

O2 Contract Renewal – AKA Scam Cold Callers

Wayne Pendragon Owens — Wed, 04 Mar 2026 10:15:17 +0000

I’ve just received (checks notes) the twentieth phone call this week from a very polite, very determined, very Indian‑sounding gentleman named Dave. Or Steve. Or occasionally John. All of whom, coincidentally, are “just calling from O2 about my contract renewal.”

Now, according to them, they’re phoning from O2 HQ itself, eager to secure me a better deal. Yet somehow, despite this alleged insider status, they never seem to know what my current deal actually is. Not a clue. Not even a guess. Their system must be absolutely dreadful. (Which, to be fair, is entirely believable, if BT’s systems are anything to go by, chaos is practically a British telecom tradition.)

Still, I’m always polite. I tell them that if they can beat my current deal, I’ll happily consider switching. And then, with the straightest face imaginable, I invent something utterly ridiculous like:

“Unlimited data and unlimited calls for £5 a month.”

Then I sit back and enjoy the silence.

There’s always a pause, long enough for me to imagine them frantically scrolling through imaginary O2 databases, before they mutter something like, “Ah… that is a very good deal… err… we don’t think we can help you… err…”

It’s glorious.

There’s a special kind of joy in confusing a scammer into speechlessness. It’s like harmless mischief for the modern age. A little victory. A small moment of chaos. And honestly? It’s often far more entertaining than outright telling them to get lost.

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Scam Call – £1,568 worth of Jelly Babies

Wayne Pendragon Owens — Tue, 01 Sep 2020 13:10:52 +0000

Earlier today I received a couple of scam phone calls pretending to be from Amazon.

I live-Tweeted the calls as they were happening to the amusement of many people on Twitter, So I figured I may as well share them here.

I have just received an automated phone call from a mobile phone number informing me they were Amazon and were querying a £1,568 order of an iPhone 11. A nice Indian bloke called Darren is chatting to me, to explain how “hackers” used my phone number to create a fake account

Darren has asked if I want to cancel the order and get a refund, but I have explained that I have watched the film “Takedown” and know those hackers like Mitnick can launch nukes by whistling. and I am too scared to cancel their order….

Daren is now asking about my online banking, But I have explained I do not do online banking, or offline banking due to fears “Hackers” using my phone number will steal all my money to buy iPhone’s so I will accept the refund in Jelly Babies… Darren seams confused

Darren is still helping me with the Hacker, and is asking about what smart devices I use. I have informed him i use an etch-a-sketch, Palm Pilot and a tamagotchi. I did point out I was a bad owner and the tamagotchi is technically dead. I think Darren is crying.

All is not lost.. I just excitedly told Darren that before I saw Takedown I used to do online banking on my programmable calculator.. I think Darren must be ill, he seems to be getting very confused and close to tears. Maybe he is struggling to understand my Welsh accent.

I have decided to help Darren understand my accent and language better by speaking VERY LOUDLY, I think this is helping as he must be struggling to hear over all the people in the background making similar calls. Who knew Hackers loved iPhone 11’s

I told Darren I would ask Twitter if anyone know how we could install Logmein on a calculator. He got excited for a while about what I ran twitter on, then he swore when I said I only tweet via carrier pigeon. Darren seems invested in the call, or he would have gone by now

Sad news people. Darren has gone. I think I need to report him to Amazon. He said I was a very rude man who has wasted his valuable time. He also suggested there may be something mentally wrong with me…. I guess that means i am not getting £1,568 worth of Jelly Babies.

Today just keeps giving. 5 minutes after Darren hangs up on me I get another Amazon recorded call about a £1,568 iPhone purchase. This time it was a lovely lady called Karen, she is not as friendly as Darren since within 1 minute she screamed “it’s you!” and hung up on me

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have you had a car accident in the last 3 years

Wayne Pendragon Owens — Fri, 01 Jul 2016 08:11:31 +0000

The annoying constant PPI phone calls have finally reduced to just the occasional one every few weeks.

But the peace is not to be enjoyed as the “Have you or anyone there had or been involved in a traffic accident in the last three years” calls have risen to take their place. And these guys are much more aggressive.

“Have you or anyone there had or been involved in a traffic accident in the last three years”
“They must have”
“someone there will have had some accident. ask them now!”
“There WILL BE SOMEONE.”

So the other day after a dozen calls in under a hour, from the same number. Someone who will remain nameless may have gotten a tad annoyed.

Cold Caller

HI. Have you or anyone there had or been involved in a traffic accident in the last three years?

WO

OMG! How do you know? Are you a reporter?

Cold Caller

What?

NO!

So you have been in a accident in the last three years because……

WO

It wasn’t my fault!

I am not to blame!!!!!

Cold Caller

That is good to hear.

So what kind of accident were you involved in?

WO

It was the radio’s fault.

Cold Caller

The radio?? errr…

WO

Heart FM’s fault to be exact.

If they had not put on Justin Beaver, I would not have had to take my eyes off the road to try and make it stop. Gods I had to make it stop. So how was I supposed to see the car ahead of me stop sharply?

Cold Caller

So you went into the back of them?

WO

NO!

I managed to stop the hideous music and lookup in time to swerve off the road, and I missed them. The issue is with the Bus Stop.

Cold Caller

So you swerved to avoid a car and hit a bus stop?

WO

Oh, I missed the Bus stop, well it was just a lamp post really, No, the issue is with the queue of people waiting for the bus.

Cold Caller

YOU HIT A LOAD OF PEOPLE?

WO

Well most managed to jump or run out of the way.

It was just the pregnant nuns that could not waddle out the way fast enough.

Cold Caller

NUNS?

WO

Yes, Nuns. You know those odd women who dress up as penguins and are all married to the same guy?

I know some say its an odd fetish, but personally I think it has to be some weird cult.

I have nothing against fetishes myself, nothing wrong with a bit of bdsm.

Cold Caller

BDSM?

What, hang on.

WO

BDSM, you know like 50 shades but much less rapey!

My safe word is Pineapple!

Cold Caller

FUCK OFF YOU FREAK!!!

*CLICK*

WO

That’s rude.

*buzzing on phone*

WO

Hello?

Anyone there?

Pineapple!!!!

Oddly.

That was the last such call we had. And there has been none since.

The world is an odd place..

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Dear Cold-Callers. Please STOP……….It’s Hammer Time!

Wayne Pendragon Owens — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 11:35:49 +0000

Thanks to a push on PPI miss-sales, and attempts to get you to switch service providers (Phone, Internet, Electric, Gas, Water, Etc) plus the usual ones trying to sell Mobile Phone contracts, con you into insuring Sky etc, My incoming phone calls are 90% Cold Callers. This really annoys me because they keep interrupting me and I have added my phone number to the Governments “No cold callers list”, So I’ve now given up all pretense of being a nice polite person who politely turns down their sales pitch.

No my current method of dealing with these drones, (Which I started after the same person phoned me four times in one evening supposedly from two different companies) is to let them start their sales pitch, wait a minute then play a sound clip of

Stop Hammer time

Every time you see me that Hammer’s just so hype
I’m dope on the floor and I’m magic on the mic
Now why would I ever stop doing this
With others makin’ records that just don’t hit
I toured around the world from London to the BAY
It’s Hammer go Hammer
mc hammer yo hammer and the rest can go and play
U can’t touch this (oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh)
U can’t touch this (oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh)
U can’t touch this (oh-oh oh-oh-oh)
Yeah u can’t touch this

Then after all that’s played, I return to the phone with a polite “Sorry about that, it was Hammer time”

So far only one cold-caller has remained on the line to hear my response, and she was pissing herself laughing, and i heard her speak in the background “Best call EVER!!“.

I’m hoping MC Hammer can help me cut down on the callers.

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The cheek of some people.

Wayne Pendragon Owens — Tue, 07 Mar 2006 15:35:49 +0000

Well I have had a nice week off work, sometimes you just need to get away from the office and the petty politics that always seems to be going on in the background. Besides, I was told I had to use up all spare holidays before April, so I took a week off to chill. Which we all need to do from time to time.

It was a good week. I got some private project stuff done. I also got to go visit some old American friends who by pure fluky luck were doing a flying visit to the UK. I went out for a nice meal and piss-up with my father and a bunch of friends. Ok I did not get to visit some places I had hoped to, due to getting snowed in. but on the whole it was a good week.

Then came Saturday morning, and the arrival of the post. Just one letter for me, a bunch of papers from Liverpool law courts informing me that I was being sued for £6500 + solicitors fees. “What would a sweet, innocent bloke like you get sued that much for?” I hear you cry. Well for car hire!

Let me explain, many, many months ago I was in a car crash, I actually crashed into a car that had just crashed into another car. As normal in such situations the insurance companies sorted it all out amongst themselves and everyone was happy. Or should have been. but the cheeky father of one of the girls involved the the crash is now suing me for 6 grands worth of car hire, for the short time his daughter was car-less. 6 Grand? What did he hire, a Rolls?

On a good point, they had messed up on the legal papers, with his solicitors getting my name wrong, details of the crash wrong, who was driving the car wrong, and many other things, so hopefully it will all get laughed out of court as it should be.

Failing that I drive past his house on my way back and too to work, and I also know where I can get my hands on some dangerous reptiles.

Anyway, its not healthy to worry about things, you loose sleep, and it helps nothing. So to look forward to good things, Its fencing tonight, and there will be a full on shinai fight, so that’s something to look forward to.

Yes I know I am an odd person!

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Telesales People should be SHOT!!

Wayne Pendragon Owens — Mon, 08 Aug 2005 08:25:10 +0000

Arggghhh!!!

I currently have a week off work.

Unfortunately, I’ a stuck in the house on the first day due to builders. It is a lovely, hot, sunny day, and all is nice in the world apart from telesales people from India!

The first one this morning spent about 30 minutes trying to sell me a different phone provider in very broken English and with only about 6 actual sentences. He used these few sentences to answer every one of my statements.

They were: –

“we have online billing”
“you keep the bt line”
“you want 1 month trial”
“i sign you up yes”
“you save money”

It was great.

Then 10 minutes after I got rid of him, his manager phoned me up because apparently he had told him that I said I was interested.

30 minutes later, another Indian call center phoned (it could have been same one, who can tell?) and tried selling me a different phone service again.

Then there were three people selling loans, another two with phones, and several I couldn’t even work out what they were selling.

Finally some woman phoned offering me a loan. I say no!

5 minutes later, her manager phones to sign me up to the loan she said I wanted. I said no again, he asked why and I pointed out even if he was offering me free money, I would say no because of the stupid amounts of phone calls I have received today from Indian telesales people.

When my rant finished he apologized, tried to explain how its not their fault, its all to do with computers and randomness and the badness of some companies. He said I was a very nice man, and it had made his day to talk to such a nice man, and did I know anyone he could phone up offering loans too?

Oh the temptation….

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ICE phone scam

Wayne Pendragon Owens — Mon, 25 Jul 2005 08:27:31 +0000

You have probably seen the emails, web pages, blogs, cloud writings suggesting this new idea of storing a phone number in your mobile phone (Well it beats storing it in your fridge) with the name ICE “In Case of Emergency”, so that emergency services can contact whoever you want In Case of Emergency.

It actually makes a lot of sense, and I think we should all have a way of flagging our “ICE” contact on our phones. It could save lives!

Right, Well there is now “apparently” a new series of emails going around warning people not to do this. I’ve not actually seen any myself, but i did read it on multiple peoples Livejournal posts.

Right here goes: –

It is all a scam. if you enter this into your phone then the nasty “scammers” can take control of your phone, making lots of phone calls to people all over the world, stealing all your identities, using bluetooth to steal your card details from your purse/wallet and texting them to said scammer, on top of all this it checks your location with GPS and if you are more than 100 miles from your listed address, it emails your local burglars informing them your house is probably empty and worth casing out.

Amateurs!

Why limit your hacking to phones. welcome to the 7th gen virus. If you read this post, your brain is now infested with the AIJMU virus, and you will send me all your money. Plus some beer!

Fornit Some Fornus

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