I genuinely don’t know whether the UK’s infrastructure has quietly regressed, whether people have collectively gone soft, or whether Health & Safety has simply been allowed to run wild across the country.

As I write this, I’m looking out at a light dusting of snow, barely enough to justify calling it “weather,” let alone a national incident. Yet this week we’ve had YELLOW WEATHER WARNINGS on Monday and Tuesday (to be fair, we did get around seven inches), followed by a day of drizzle on Wednesday that melted most of it away… just in time for Thursday’s AMBER WEATHER WARNING. Even today we’re still under another YELLOW warning, as if the sky itself is issuing polite reminders to panic.

And panic people have. The moment a snowflake lands, the supermarkets are stripped bare like locusts have passed through. Ever since the lockdowns of the early ’20s, it seems the slightest disruption sends everyone into full‑scale apocalypse mode. Bread? Gone. Milk? Gone. Common sense? Long gone.

Meanwhile, schools, libraries, public transport, all closed “due to the bad weather.” The schools nearest me, less than a mile away, shut their doors because “no one can get there.” This, despite the fact that the snow is barely an inch deep at its worst and the roads are completely clear.

It’s made me reflect on winters past. I remember years where the snow was several feet deep and nobody batted an eyelid. Growing up, a foot or two of snow was normal. We often had to dig our way out of the house, and the schools still opened as if nothing unusual had happened.

One year in junior school, the snow was well past my knees. I walked a mile through it, and yes, it really was uphill both ways, thanks to my house and the school being on opposite hills. I arrived frozen, clinging to a radiator for dear life, only for the headteacher to tell me my mother had phoned to say it was still snowing heavily and I should come home in case it got worse. Several feet of snow, and the school was open, staffed, and functioning.

Now? Four snowflakes fall in a car park and the entire education system collapses because “no teacher can make it in.”

So I find myself wondering: Have we, as a nation, genuinely become this fragile? Or have we simply surrendered to an army of clipboard‑wielding jobsworths who see danger in every snowflake and liability in every footstep?

Either way, something has changed, and not for the better!

Some very old friends of mine (Old as in length of time I’ve known them as apposed to their physical age) are planning to do a D&D stream to try and raise some money for a charity. The charity or details of stream have not been sorted out fully yet because it is still in the early days of planning.

To make the stream more enjoyable (i.e. Bigger BBEG’s, harder challenges) it has been decided to start with higher level characters. Instead of just creating characters at a higher level it was decided to make a bunch of Level 1 characters, and to have some games played off-screen to build up the characters backstories, plans, relationships, and to naturally level them up.

Plus it would be fun to play a few chilled games without having to put on a show. A bit like Critical Roll Campaign 1 started after they had been playing for a while as just friends.

The only rules for the friendly games were, and these were decided as both a challenge and to make the roleplay interesting. 

• Level 1 character
• A class you have never played before
• A Race you have not played before

I am going to be a Human Warlock.  I have never fancied playing a warlock, and I tend to pick Elves, Half-Elves, or Dwarves for the racial bonus that best suits the class I am playing.

So onto character creation.

Step 1. Ability Stats.

Rolling 4d6 and adding up the three highest numbers (6 times). gives me 14,14,16,15,14,10 (Damn my rolls were good).  Obviously the 16 has to go into Charisma, the 15 for Constitution, the rest 14 with Strength being my dump stat. I feel that my Warlock will be a charming nerdy type person.

Step 2. Race

I am a basic Rashemi human. So that gives me +1 to all ability scores,

Step 3. Class

I am a Warlock. So Hit dice is 1d8 per level. We are playing as level 1. I get to pick two skills from Arcana, Deception, History, Intimidation, Investigation, Nature, and Religion. I think as a Warlock of the Morrígan I would have Arcana, and Intimidation. I also get to pick who I made a pact with, the Archfey, the Fiend, or the Great Old One, Personally I think the Great Old One gives the best advantages (Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn), But to stick with the character of a Warlock to the  Morrigan I feel I have to pick the Archfey.

Step 4. Background. 

Roll for size and weight. Now to pick a background, This is tricky since there are several that would suit my character, but I think I will settle for Sage, because I want to be a sage.

Step 5. Equipment.

Money. I start with 4d4 x 10gp for my class (110gp), 10gp for my background giving me 120gp (I’m wealthy).

I get to pick as a Warlock a light crossbow and 20 bolts, or any simple weapon. I get a simple weapon as well as this choice, so I guess crossbow is the way to go. Next a component pouch or an arcane focus, Pouch all the way, you can never have too much storage. And finally a scholar’s pack or a dungeoneer’s pack. The dungeoneers pack gives the most useful stuff.

Step 6. Magic

I can pick two cantrips from Blade Ward, Chill Touch, Eldritch Blast, Friends, Mage Hand, Minor Illusion, Poison Spray, Prestidigitation, True Strike. Well I think it is law that EVERY warlock needs to pick Eldritch Blast, so I will select that. Since I have a crossbow, and am thinking maybe at lower levels ranged attacks could be good, I will pick True Strike to give my attacks advantage.

I can also pick two spells from Armor of Agathys, Arms of Hadar, Charm Person, Comprehend Languages, Expeditious Retreat, Faerie Fire, Hellish Rebuke, Hex, Illusory Script, Protection from (Evil and Good), Sleep, Unseen Servant, Witch Bolt. Now, since unlike Druids, Wizards, etc the poor Warlock is stuck with their spell choice until leveling, I need to really think about spells. This is a shame because many of them would suit a Warlock of the Morrigan.

I want Arms of Hadar, Comprehend Languages, Hellish Rebuke, Hex, and Witch Bolt. But due to only having 1 spell slot to start with, I need an ongoing spell so it has to be Hex, and Witch Bolt.

Many, many years ago…

Or in the early 90s when Spodding was a thing, I got chatting to some cool people in Aberystwyth University on Surfers, and the Pleasuredome. After ages of talking, they invited me down to visit.  Yes, children, in the days of “Stay away from strangers”, and  “be careful of people you meet off the Internet”. it never mattered to Spod’s, we traveled the world meeting strangers in strange places. Spod’s are special bunch of people. We are also trendsetters since now everyone orders strangers off the internet to drive them places.

Anyway, I met a great group of people. The ringleaders being Laz and Babbit.

Over the next few years I would often pop down to Aber for the odd weekend for parties, drinking, fun and madness. These are the guys who formed the Reindeer Liberation Army, amongst other things. We all moved apart after University, but everyone stayed friends online.  The friendships formed from Spodding last, you can go years without talking, and the second you reconnect you go on as if you were never apart.

I still have Shroom the reindeers here, that she gave me to look after, which led to an interesting interaction with the police that I will post on here one day.

I have just heard that Laz passed away yesterday, after a battle with illness caused by a stroke she had twenty odd years ago.

She was the heart of the old aber-group, and I felt that something needed to be posted to remember her.

We will miss you Laz.

An Evening at Westminster Lodge: Honoring Tradition and Friendship

This evening, I had the pleasure of visiting Westminster Lodge in the Province of Cheshire.

For nearly two decades, I have been frequenting Westminster Lodge sporadically; my first visit dates back to their December white table event, 20 years ago this December. A close friend of mine, whom I worked with at the time, joined Westminster Lodge a year before I became a member of Llannerch Lodge. Both of us joined and climbed the ranks together. We took turns visiting each other’s Lodges, and eventually, we assumed the positions of our respective Lodges’ chairs a year apart. Ten years later, we once again took on the chairs of our new Lodges, having both moved to new Lodges.

When Pete informed me that he was visiting his mother Lodge on the 20th anniversary of his initiation, and that they were performing an initiation demonstration with him acting as the candidate, I knew I had to attend. Since he joined before me, he witnessed my initiation, but I had missed his. This anniversary provided a perfect opportunity to finally experience it, albeit two decades later.

A couple of weeks before the meeting, I received the sad news that Pete’s father had passed to the Grand Lodge above. Given that Westminster was John’s Lodge, they planned a small memorial for him during their next meeting, coinciding with Pete’s anniversary. This occasion provided two significant reasons to attend.

So, I gathered my father, who had met John several times, and another member of Wrexhamian Lodge to visit. Despite my efforts to rally more attendees, Hugh succumbed to food poisoning, and Henk’s demanding work in the medical field prevented him from leaving early enough. Nonetheless, the three of us attended to pay our respects to John.

The evening was profoundly moving and somber, yet undeniably memorable and enjoyable.

I have been sorting out the To-Sort folders on my machines, it’s a job you can tell is long overdue by the recursive To-Sort folders that have moved from long dead machines to the To-Sort folders of newer machines. In one of these long distant folders I found a photograph, which reminded me of a story. A story I am going to share with you dear Constant Reader because it teaches an important message. “Never bet against Geeks” because they are resourceful and think outside the box.

It was December 2002, University’s had broken up for the Christmas  break and there was a group of us out celebrating seeing each other again after the long semester.

An Important fact to remember is that in 2002 mobile phones were not as common as they are now. Very few people had them, and even less carried them about due to their large size. Oh, and a phone with a camera, that was pure science fiction.

So there we were, several pubs along our way through a pub crawl when someone mentioned that it would be great if we had a photo to remember the night. But who takes a camera out with them on a pub crawl?

We had no chance right?

Well that’s what the majority of the group decided, and I say majority because there was two of us who decided there must be a way, nothing is impossible right?

So, we were out in the middle of the local town, slightly drunk, with no camera and the need to get a photograph. We had no chance, right? The rest of our group were so positive they even made a small wager. A wager of several drinks was involved. This was their big mistake.

You do not give a geek a puzzle. If you do, you do not tell the geeks its impossible. And if you really do that, you really do not add a wager of beer!!

We had no chance right?

Correct, we did not have “No Chance” we had “Every Chance” for we were geeks. I recalled there was a webcam setup in the window of the local council offices, so if we stood in the area it pointed at we would be in a picture. We just needed someone to go to the webpage and grab a screen shot of the image. This is where my fellow Geek, popped into a phone box, phoned his Uni digs, where he knew one of his room mates would be about to do the necessary.

So we organised a signal, and went to go stand in front of the webcam, While 100 miles away someone sat at their computer and waited for the signal, then did a screen capture, and emailed us the image.

Challenge completed, a photo of the evening was procured. and many free drinks were had.

So, dear Constant Reader never bet against a geek, for as the bible says “The Geek will inherent the earth”

The overall theme of the weekend was “Time Travel“, And not just in the way Adults seem to travel back to their youth when presented with Chocolate Easter Eggs.

Neither was it purely because the new season of Doctor Who started back up on Saturday evening, with a bang and [REDACTED], Sorry I had to redact that last bit for in the words of River song “Spoilers!!!” So I shall say no more on that subject. (EDITOR: “Unless I write a review of the new series or episode“)

The main Time Travel I am referring to is the feeling of being back in the past I experienced on the Saturday evening. I had gone around to a friends house while his wife was away. The evening involved some Multiplayer Age of Empires 3, a game (well AoE1) we used to play back in the days when we were work colleagues. Then a call to Domino’s to bring us Pizza & Chicken strips STAT.. All while some Junk-TV played in the background.  This used to be the useual way to end a nights training down the Dojo, Pizza & Junk.

In fact all we were missing for it to have been one of those nights from the distance past was a good conspiracy theory documentary playing on the TV.

The other night a group of us were discussing where and when we first started drinking, who was involved, and trading stories. Its amazing how the practically harmless under-age drinking that happened when we were young, has been replaced with the more serious situation it is today. I wonder if the youth of today got to drink responsibly at a young age, we would have less binge drinking cases as they get older? “Sorry, off on a tangent there! Normal service will now resume“.

During the conversation I was reminded of the first time I was kicked out of a drinking establishment. I’ve not done bad really, just Three times in total. Once for under-age drinking, once for making a mess in an almost derelict pub, and one other. I thought I would share the story with you dear reader, so sit back, grab a pint and begin.

I was about fifteen years old (possibly sixteen, but I think it was fifteen) and I had been taken to the Wheelwrights Arms in Pen-y-Cae by my sisters boyfriend & friends (It was handy having a much older sister). Now in those days as long as you sat quietly out the way, and made no trouble you tended to get away with drinking as long as no one pointed it out. Unfortunately this day one of the people I was with had recently annoyed the Barmaid (which is never a good idea people, for they supply the holy nectar of booze). So there I was minding my own business when she came over to our group, and informed me I had to finish my drink and leave as I was under-age. Now this was not a problem since I had prepared for this eventuality by calculating a date of birth that made me eighteen (Legal age then).

Me: “What you mean? I’m eighteen!”

Barmaid: “No your not! what’s your birthdate?”

Me: *gave valid birthdate*

Barmaid: “HA! your wrong, that makes you seventeen. You said your birthday was November, its only March so your not eighteen yet! try better next time”

Me: *sigh* “I know my birthdays not til November, at which time I will be nineteen.”

I then made her count up from the year I had given till she got to the current year to prove I was eighteen as i claimed.

Barmaid: “Oh. Sorry, I was sure that was a made up date of birth”

She then walked away. Now all would have been well if she had made it to the bar and got distracted by peoples orders. Only she never made it that far.

Barmaid: *one step* *two steps* *three steps* *pause* *turns angrily* “OI! your fifteen! get out of here now.”

Me: “Come on we’ve already done this”

Barmaid: “Wayne! Your my brothers best friend, your in his class in school, Hell you were at my house watching films with him last night, tell me your eighteen” *there then followed a stream of very interesting language*

And that’s how I first got kicked out of a drinking establishment, and learnt the important lesson that if you wish to drink while under the legal age then pick a pub where the staff do not know you.

I often refer to myself as a SPOD. due to my years Spodding on different telnet talkers and the like, Unfortunately I now often get asked “What is a Spod?” from the uninitiated youngsters that litter the Interwebs these days. So since its a semi-FAQ I hunted out the old description of Spod from the help files on some Talkers that are still floating about if you know where to look.

Spod (n)

– A person who is nearly always found slumped over a keyboard, usually from the minute they awaken (if they even slept at all) to the minute they pass-out on their keyboard.

Classic examples of spods are : Athanasius, Psmith, Pendragon and Sparky.

Generally you can tell a spod from a room full of ppl as he/she will be the one having a conversation with another person in the room using the computer.

Note: A spod can always type faster than he/she can write:)

A spod is easily distinguished by the following characteristics:

1. Extraordinarily long login times to talkers and/or Muds
2. Knows a dangerous amount of info about the internet – more than any person should.
3. Often known to break into computer labs after hours just to telnet.
4. Sometimes name their favorite terminals
5. Often witness beautiful sunrises and/or sunsets… from a computer terminal.
6. Spod Eyes syndrome – Eyes feel as if they will not budge after long hours spent at a terminal.

Nephew: “Why do they say every cloud has a silver lining?“

Me: “It’s because the outer edges of clouds, where the condensed moisture particles hit the ionised atmosphere, interacting with pollutants in the air causes a peculiar affect where the particles oxidise forming silver particles.“

Nephew: “WOW!” *looks back at sky* “So you could fly aeroplanes through clouds and collect silver?“

Me: “No, don’t be silly!“

Nephew: *dejected look*

Me: “Aeroplanes travel too fast, the air pressure they form in front of them pushes the clouds away preventing them collecting the silver. What they use is air ships, which the float slowly through the clouds with special collectors attached to the basket. they just float about in twelve hour shifts harvesting the cloud silver. It also means they make more money from it, since it uses much less petrol than planes.“

And that was the moment my Sister banned me from answering any questions my nephews may ask. Well There was an incident when one of my nephews got excited in school when the teacher asked a question that he knew the answer too, because his uncle had told him.

We at the Insane Asylum have been running some updates on our antiquated control systems, and during this update I had cause to check the Polychronicon that is the Asylums Wiki.  While trying to find the list of perl modules we need to re-install after a major update to allow some of the older systems to continue working (Which I could not find) I came across an odd link to an article simply titled “Were Ninja” Intrigued I had a quick read, and memories of the old days came back, especially of the “Were Ninja” Himself.  So I’m reprinting the article here.

Were Ninja

I have been researching a rumor I heard, about strange occurrences in some of the local woods. of a dark figure fleetingly seen from the corner of the eye, strange symbols, glyphs tracks. And most concernedly the noises and screams that echo out of the darkness.

I can now give a slight insight to these happenings..

It starts with a quick 10 minute job after hours, a job that ended up taking longer than was expected, It started with a man tired after hours of staring at a monitor, a man too tired to know what he was doing, It starts with an innocent chain-letter email, one that had to be sent out to a dozen people within thirty minutes or else.

It starts with someone we will call Mr X. He was a normal mild mannered I.T. professional, but one day while taking a break from his work he read his e-mail, the stuff he would normally just junk. It was while reading this e-mail he stumbled upon the book of e-vile! He innocently read out allowed the text from the satanic summoning kanji of death. And because the smtp server was down he could not fulfill the requirements of the chain-letter and the chain was broken, allowing him to be possessed by the spirit of a were-ninja from 14th century japan.

Now on nights where theres a moon he roams the welsh countryside. doing unspeakable things